Big week, people. Huge new flicks in theaters, awesome array of choices in home entertainment. Looking for horror? Independent gems that flew sadly under the radar while they were in theaters? Mildly disappointing blockbusters? We have them all! Here’s the skinny:
Before you worry: no, we have not run out of real topics. It’s just that, every so often we need to indulge a weird little voice that says things like, “Ever noticed how many people die on toilets in horror movies? Wonder what kind of deep-seated fears that explores.”
And there are a LOT of people who die on toilets in horror movies. Michael Myers really likes to freak people out in public restrooms. We know Norman Bates likes to dispatch folks while they’re in the shower, but he is not above preying on someone while they’re just trying to pee. Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger have also done it. (The poor guy falls asleep on the toilet. Don’t judge—we’ve all been there.)
Here, however, are the best instances of nature calling you to your death.
Phil (Omar Epps) just wants to take his girl to a scary movie. Still, he does get up in the middle of it to pee. I’m not saying that’s cause for murder. I’m not saying it’s not, either.
The whole Scream franchise does an excellent job of taking the mundane moments in life and drawing your attention to all the ways in which you are actually vulnerable. This scene plays not only on the vulnerability involved in our social contract to allow others to urinate in peace, but also touches on the ways in which anonymity (by way of the costumes everyone is wearing at the theater) emboldens people. Usually the wrong people. The kind that whisper weirdly from the next stall.
Mike White makes such a great doofus victim, doesn’t he? Here he is, minding his own beeswax, taking a leisurely in a filthy public toilet during the zombiepocalypse…No part of this really sounds wise, does it?
It’s all in keeping with one of Zombieland‘s great gimmicks: the rules. The reason the rules work so well for the film is that each one is actually an excellent piece of advice. Get some cardio, people, because zombies don’t tire out.
And for the love of God, beware of bathrooms.
Everybody hated Philip Hardin (J. Downing) anyway, didn’t we? He knew. Sure, he claimed that his little monster gravy train, the only reason his dying carnival attracted any customers at all, had nothing to do with all those dead bodies. But, come on.
The nasty little muppety creatures from Luca Bercovici’s surprise 1984 hit (and Gremlins ripoff) have left town. They’ve found a hunting ground better suited to them alongside the carnies at the Satan’s Den attraction.
The film is not good—sequels to sloppy derivatives rarely are. It’s a mixed bag of kills and puppet hijinx. But there is something about a monster in the toilet, man, and it ain’t good.
This iconic Troma film sees the homeless population of a town turn from cheap liquor to cheaper god-knows-what, Tenafly Viper. It’s old, but this is not the kind of wine that ages well. Those who drink it, well, it’s like looking directly at the Ark of the Covenant.
The hobo-melting is honestly the least interesting and least offensive thing happening in this envelope pusher. But there is this one poor bastard who just takes a seat, just wants to rest a bit and enjoy a lovely beverage. The FX are laughable, and yet sort of genius.
Yes! Every single thing the previous films were trying to capture, all handled here with inspired (and brilliantly hideous) claymation. It’s perfect. It’s sadistic, funny, tender, mean, goofy and pretty clearly Australian.
It was not a dingo that ate the baby.
Thirty effing years. That’s insane. The Simpsons has become such a faded and well-worn thread in our cultural tapestry that it’s easy to forget how important it is. You could make the case, and many have, that it has featured the most consistently excellent writing in the history of series television.
And of course, any discussion of the show brings instant debate, from hipster-inspired cries of long-lost relevance to the nearly impossible attempt to rank the best episodes.
Okay, we won’t try to rank them, but we can come up with our 10 favorite episodes…
The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show 1997
Homer joins the voice cast of Itchy & Scratchy, and what follows is not only hilarious, but a spot-on skewering of media pandering.
Quote: “My name’s Poochie-D and I rock the telly, I’m half Joe Camel and a third Fonzerelli. I’m the kung-fu hippie from gangsta city, I’m a rappin’ surfer…you the fool I pity.”
Homer at the Bat 1992
Monty Burns assembles a star-studded group of Major Leaguers for the company softball team. Extra points for Terry Cashman re-recording his “Talkin’ Baseball” to memorable effect.
Quote” “Not once, not twice, but thrice!”
Simpson and Delilah 1990
A new wonder drug gives Homer a full head of hair and he begins to climb the corporate ladder, with a big help from his new secretary Karl (a terrific Harvey Fierstein).
Quote: “You are nature’s greatest miracle! Say it!”
The Shinning (from Treehouse of Horror V) 1995
The Simpsons take on Kubrick’s classic horror film and the results are perfect, right down to the picture of the tartan-clad lass hanging above Groundskeeper Willie’s bed.
Quote: “No TV and no beer make Homer something something..”
Kamp Krusty 1992
When Bart and Lisa are away at Kamp Krusty, Homer and Marge are enjoying an ideal life..until Kent Brockman’s special report clues them into the erupting camper rebellion .
Quote: (Kamp counselors preparing a toast) “Gentlemen, to evil!”
Mr. Plow 1992
Homer finds great success as snowplow operator “Mr. Plow”, only to face stiff competition from Barney as the new “Plow King.”
Quote: “Are you tired of having your hands cut off by snowblowers?”
Homer to the Max 1999
After the TV show Police Cops uses the name “Homer Simpson” for a fat, stupid detective, Homer changes his name. Taking inspiration from a hair dryer, he becomes to “Max Power” and begins getting new-found respect…so much so that he changes Marge’s name to “Hootie McBoob.” Classic.
Quote: “Max Power doesn’t snuggle, Marge, you just strap on and feel the G’s!”
Cape Feare 1993
A triumphant return for Sideshow Bob (Kelsey Grammar), as he resumes his quest to kill Bart. The Simpsons enter the witness protection program as “The Thompsons,” and a flawless parody of Cape Fear takes shape.
Quote: “I think he’s talking to you”
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds 1995
Bart and Lisa discover Mr. Burns’ plan to use the fur from a litter of Greyhound puppies for his wardrobe, which leads to Burns singing “See My Vest,” one of the nest songs in the entire series.
Quote: “They all look like little Rory Calhouns!”
Colonel Homer 1992
Reflecting the country music boom that was exploding at the time, Homer becomes the manager to struggling country singer Lurleen Lumpkin (Beverly D’Angelo). An endlessly quoteable (and singable) episode.
Quote: “As much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit”
Honorable Mention: RV Salesman in The Call of the Simpsons 1990
A satire of the Bigfoot TV specials of the time, this episode isn’t one of the best, but it contains one of our favorite segments ever seen on the show: Albert Brooks as Bob the RV salesman.
Quote: Homer, applying for credit: “Is that a good siren, am I approved?”
Bob: “You ever known a siren to be good?”
Okay, we’re going to stop now before our top 10 list becomes a top 50…which episodes did we miss?
by George Wolf
So, while we’re down here debating the existence of Sasquatch/Yeti/Bigfoot, an entire community of them lives above the clouds, wondering the same about us shorter, wee-footed folk.
That’s a cute and clever conceit for a family tale that might look a lot like Pixar’s Monsters, Inc., which makes it even more surprising when WB’s Smallfoot instead flirts with becoming the most ballsy, subversive animated film since Zootopia. It’s a film with big ideas, some generic and some risky, but just too many to juggle into a truly memorable takeaway.
Channing Tatum leads the voice cast as Migo, an affable Yeti who has always bought in to everything his village’s “Stonekeeper” (Common) was selling, including the fact that the legendary Smallfoot wasn’t real. But then Migo sees one, which raises some questions, and questions themselves are a problem.
Migo, like all the Yeti, has been taught to suppress any questions he may have about the stones the Stonekeeper is keeping. Those stones guide the beliefs of the Yeti through the various statements written on each. You might even call them…commandments.
Woah.
Smallfoot raises eyebrows early, but once Migo manages to bring smallfooted Percy (James Corden) back to his village, it settles into a pleasantly entertaining mix of messages, music, and Looney Tunes-worthy pratfalls.
Tatum gives our hero a fine voice (though his singing is a bit thin), Corden is always fun and the support cast (including Zendaya, Danny DeVito, Gina Rodriguez and LeBron James) is capably unique, but co-directors Karey Kirkpatrick and Jason Reisig chase too many snowtrails.
Some moments, like the Stonekeeper telling Migo about the ease of deception, find their mark, while others such as Percy’s struggles with reality TV become overly familiar distractions.
The driving theme here is truth, and how very hard it can be to find. Question, be brave, explore science as well as faith. Maybe sing a song. Though Smallfoot doesn’t deliver on its radical beginnings, it finds a comfort zone less likely to spark partisan rancor in the aisle.
by George Wolf
Outlaw country musician Blaze Foley lived too hard and died too young, a life so steeped in cultish mystery that even the director of his biopic believed an urban legend about what led to Foley’s tragic death.
Ethan Hawke, who also co-wrote the film with Foley’s ex-wife Sybil Rosen, presents Blaze’s story with respectful grace and an observational tone that moves casually but cuts deeply. Seemingly drawing inspiration from frequent collaborator Richard Linklater (who has a cameo role in the film), Hawke’s directing style is unassuming and unhurried, mining resonance from small moments that define his subject.
It seems cosmically right that a virtual unknown singer-songwriter, Ben Dickey, plays Foley, who may be best known to mainstream country fans as the writer behind songs recorded by artists such as Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, Lyle Lovett, and John Prine.
Dickey, who was working as a chef when Hawke offered him the role, is a revelation. Though more physically imposing than the real Foley, Dickey reveals the demons that frequently bested Blaze, pushing him to sabotage his relationship with Sybil (Alia Shawkat-also stellar) as well as his chances at big-time music business success.
With music such a big part of the film, Hawke’s decision to present it in its live, raw glory reaps big dividends.
Dickey mimics Blaze’s phrasing, picking and rambling onstage persona to eerie perfection, getting an impressive assist from Charlie Sexton as fellow troubadour Townes Van Zandt. Sexton (who had an 80s hit with “Beats So Lonely,” has been Bob Dylan’s guitarist for years and appeared alongside Hawke in Boyhood) gives the film solid layers of reference as the drawling Van Zandt charms a radio DJ (Hawke) with stories of Blaze, the little-known legend.
From dreaming of stardom while riding in a truck bed, to antagonizing barroom audiences, to a visit with Blaze’s once-abusive, now senile father (Kris Kristofferson), sequence after sequence rings more organic and true than most found in music biopics.
It’s clear this a passion project for Hawke (and, of course, for Rosen), who is smart enough not to let that passion interfere with authenticity. Blaze gives Foley the re-birth he clearly earned – as a conflicted, damaged soul longing to be heard.
NIGHTMARES FILM FESTIVAL UNVEILS COMPLETE 2018 PROGRAM
For horror fans, Christmas has come three months early — in the form of the Nightmares Film Festival 2018 program, presenting 24 features and 164 shorts over the four-day event running Oct. 18-21 at Gateway Film Center in Columbus.
True to its “#BetterHorror” motto, the program is jammed top to bottom with a mix of premier genre films from around the globe. Across the 188 films, there are dozens of world and North American premieres, a short accompanied by live in-theater music, projects from genre favorites, a Stephen King block and even a new documentary section.
“We’re on a never-ending, worldwide quest to discover the films that are reshaping the boundaries of horror — bold voices, new visions of terror, films that haunt you,” said co-founder and programmer Jason Tostevin. “That’s how we build every Nightmares, and this may be our best lineup yet.”
The features lineup is stacked with the world premieres of some of horror’s most anticipated new movies, including white-knuckle thriller The Final Interview from Fred Vogel (Toetag Pictures, August Underground); twisted kidnap nightmare The Bad Man from Scott Schirmer (Found, Harvest Lake); ‘80s-style horror anthology Skeletons in the Closet from Tony Wash (The Rake); and paranoia-fueled apocalypse tale Haven’s End from Chris Etheridge (Attack of the Morningside Monster).
North American feature debuts include The Head from the director of ThanksKilling, about a medieval monster hunter; Christmas horror-comedy The Night Sitter; action-horror creature feature Book of Monsters; and mistaken-identity comedy-thriller Kill Ben Lyk.
Horror legend Bill Lustig will open the festival with a brand new 4K restoration of his classic, Maniac. New cult director Jason Trost (The FP) will attend with The FP 2: Beats of Rage.
Nightmares also continues its tradition of presenting one of the top genre shorts programs in the world. This year’s short films include horror, thriller, midnight and horror-comedy blocks playing throughout the festival.
The festival also introduces its Recurring Nightmares section this year, a category that showcases the newest shorts by festival alums.
The fest’s legendary Midnight Mindfuck block also returns. The section, called “one of the most dangerous and challenging programs at any festival” (The Film Coterie), will present Trauma, a harrowing tale grounded in the darkest parts of Chilean history, and La Puta es Ciega (The Whore is Blind), a surreal and violent exploration of the streets of Mexico.
“Every aspect of Nightmares is filtered through the question, what would excite us as fans?,” said co-founder Chris Hamel. “We don’t think there’s a better experience for makers and lovers of horror than the four days of Nightmares Film Festival.”
The 13 finalists in both the Nightmares short and feature screenplay competitions were also announced. The ultimate winner in each competition will be announced at the awards ceremony on Oct. 20.
Nightmares begins Thursday, Oct. 18 at 7 p.m. and runs until Sunday night, Oct. 21. Fans who are ready to make the pilgrimage to Columbus, Ohio will find a limited number of passes still available for the festival at gatewayfilmcenter.org/NFF.
Hope Madden and George Wolf are proud to be among the jury panel for Nightmares Film Festival, one of the top horror film celebrations in the world. It has been the number-one rated genre film festival on submission platform FilmFreeway for 30 consecutive months.
SHORT SCREENPLAY FINALISTS
Boo – Rakefet Abergel
Mourning Meal – Jamal Hodge
Hiking Buddies – Megan Morrison
Living Memory – Stephen Graves
#dead – Derek Stewart
The Burning Dress – Sam Kolesnik
For Good Behavior – Ron Riekki
Air – Dalya Guerin
Invidia – Vanessa Wright
Minotaur – Michael Escobedo
Pancake Skank – Savannah Rodgers
The Callback – Sophie Hood
The Farm – Cate McLennan
FEATURE SCREENPLAY FINALISTS
Patience of Vultures – Greg Sisco
People of Merrit – Adam Pottle
The Shame Game – Greg Sisco
Rise of the Gulon – Matt Wildash
Left Of The Devil – Stephen Anderson
Bartleby Grimm’s Paranormal Elimination Service – Dan Kiely
Kelipot – Seth Nesenholtz
The Coldest Horizon – Jeffrey Howe
Throwback – Rachel Woolley
Resurrection Girl and the Curse of the Wendigo – Nathan Ludwig
The Caul – Sophia Cacciola & Michael J. Epstein
The Devil’s Gun – James Christopher
Residual – Tyler Christensen
HORROR FEATURES
The Bad Man
Skeletons in the Closet
Livescream
The Night Sitter
Book of Monsters
Maniac 4k
Confessions of a Serial Killer
The Head
Never Hike Alone
The Field Guide to Evil
THRILLER FEATURES
The Final Interview
Kill Ben Lyk
Clementina
Be My Cat: A Film For Anne
The LaPlace’s Demon
Alive
Betsy
Haven’s End
Dark Iris
MIDNIGHT FEATURES
Beats of Rage
Camp Death III in 2D!
Trauma
La Puta es Ciega
More Blood!
RECURRING NIGHTMARES A
Killing Giggles
The Unbearing
Let’s Play
Amy’s in the Freezer
One Hundred Thousand
Anniversary
Apartment 402
Enough
E-Bowla
Vampiras Satanicas II: The Death Bunny
42 Counts
RECURRING NIGHTMARES B
Galmi
Syphvania Grove
Rites of Vengeance
The Scarlet Vultures
Music Lesson
Thousand-Legged Terror
BFF Girls
Gut Punched
Basoan
HORROR SHORTS A
Ayuda
Bathroom Troll
Don’t Drink the Water
The After Party
Masks
Here There Be Monsters
Don’t Look Into Their Eyes
Heartless
El Cuco is Hungry
HORROR SHORTS B
Little
Save
Childer
Conductor
All You Can Carry
Made You Look
The Desolation Prize
Doggy See Evil
Spectres
Goodbye Old Friend
There’s a Monster Behind You
Blondie
HORROR SHORTS C
Ding Dong
Oscar’s Bell
Red Mosquito
Goodnight Gracie
Baghead
Wyrmwood
Avulsion
House Guests
The Last Seance
Three
HORROR SHORTS D
The Bloody Ballad of Squirt
The Chains
One Dark Night
Fears
Midnight Delivery
I Beat It
Mama’s Boy
Alien Death Fuck
Hell of a Day
Vonnis
The Dark Ward
Mystery Box
THRILLER SHORTS A
4EVR
Nocturne
The Noise of the Light
Short Leash
Instinct
Where’s Violet
Tutu Grande
THRILLER SHORTS B
Lady Hunters
Smiley’s
Headless Swans
A Death Story Called Girl
Dead Cool
You’ll Only Have Each Other
THRILLER SHORTS C
The Box
Salvatore
Witch’s Milk
Post Mortem Mary
Spurn
Esther
They Eat Your Teeth
They Wait for Us
MIDNIGHT SHORTS A
CLAW
Mayday
The Hex Dungeon
I Am Not a Monster
Gentlewoman’s Guide to Dom.
Blood Highway
Sock Monster
The Monster Within
Viral Blood
No Monkey
MIDNIGHT SHORTS B
Imagine
Fetish
The Jerry Show
Proceeds of Crime
Television
Mother Fucker
Ding-Dong
Night Terrors
The Thang
Rift
Häxan
MIDNIGHT SHORTS C
Tears of Apollo
Nightmare
The Mare
Mother Rabbit
Lipstick
Human Resources
Blood and Moonlight
Suicide Note
Enjoy the View
Freelancer
STEPHEN KING DOLLAR BABIES
The Things We Left Behind
I Am the Doorway
OHIO SHORTS A
The Borrower
Below the Trees
The Sewing Circle
The Choice
What Comes Out
Beyond Repair
Occupied
Hell to Pay
Who’s There
OHIO SHORTS B
Down the Hatchet
The Green Lady
Not From Around Here
Den
The Cat
House of Hell
Dodo
Cry Baby Bridge
SHORTS PAIRED WITH FEATURES
Marta
The Party’s Over
A Thing of Dreams
Mother of a Sacred Lamb
Dual
What Metal Girls are Into
My First Time
Canine
Latched
Offerings
Jingle Hell
Arret Pipi
Entropia
Helminth
Cabin Killer
American Undead
The Thing about Beecher’s Gate
Phototaxis
Best of Me
HORROR COMEDY SHORTS
Amigos
Netflix and Chill
Attack of Potato Clock
Foxwood
Rattle
Bitten
Heavy Flow
Sell Your Body
The Infection
Blood Sisters
Shit … They’re All Vampires
Late
There’s One Inside the House
I know you didn’t really dig Solo, but if you’re on the fence (or you skipped it), maybe give it a second look. Definitely no need to see Uncle Drew, but if you missed Izzy as she got the F across town, now is the time to rectify that situation. Here’s the low down on what’s new in home entertainment.
Click the film title to read the full review:
We are back and digging through the wild array of movies out this week: The House with a Clock In Its Walls, Fahrenheit 11/9, Assassination Nation, Lizzie, Pick of the Litter plus all that’s fit to watch in home entertainment.
Listen to the full podcast HERE.
by George Wolf
Michael Moore may set up his latest film by asking “How the F did we get here?”, but thankfully Fahrenheit 11/9 isn’t just another empty load of hand-wringing on the perils of ignoring the “economic anxiety” of the heartland.
Moore has much more legitimate axes to grind, and not just about Donald Trump.
In fact, after a compelling open that reminds us how sure we were that Trump was never going to win in the first place, Moore shifts his focus entirely.
From the water crisis in Moore’s hometown of Flint, Michigan, to striking teachers in West Virginia to the school shooting in Parkland, Florida to a history professor at Yale and beyond, the provocateur filmmaker is after the converging forces that made Trump possible, and the dangers of continued complacency.
The film is at turns enraging, funny, chilling and inspirational, a rallying cry for a populace that may still be interested in maintaining any “aspirations of democracy.”
At his worst, Moore can be self-aggrandizing and overly eager to connect certain dots. Here, outside of one needless stunt at the Michigan governor’s mansion, he’s at his most forthright and committed.
Beyond the question of how we got here lies the bigger problem of how we get out. Moore presents a wide-ranging and compelling argument that the answer starts with, in the words of the Parkland student activists, “calling BS.”
He calls it on the myth of “real America,” and unveils his film’s true target is not Trump, but a government that can rule by minority.
Plutocratic cronyism, unabashed appeals to bigotry, and spineless capitulation from the “opposition party” have led to a voter apathy rooted in hopelessness. Amid flashbacks from Roger & Me, Moore’s 1989 debut, we see the counter lies in “mobilizing for freedom, not safety.”
And if we don’t?
History points to some very unsettling answers.
Accuse him of preaching to the choir if you want, but that’s not who Moore is most interested in reaching. Pairing lessons from the past with hope for the future, Fahrenheit 11/9 is his plea to get invested and mobilize.
Bigger, badder (like seriously badder) dinosaurs and a pleasantly off-kilter take on the Western both available this week. We’d say go with the Western, but you know, if you have a thing for dinosaurs…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6t07LFf5hQ
