Villain Diaries: Mr. Cooper

AITA?

Everything was fine. We were fine! We were in the basement, obviously the safest place to be. Only one door to worry about! Nice bar on it! So, we were down there, Helen giving me that look, but we were fine. And yeah, we heard the girl scream upstairs. So what of it?! Like you would have done any different! What am I going to do, risk these women, a sick kid? Five of those things flipped over my car! Hell no, we’re staying put, in the basement, where we’re safe. 

And then that stupid boy had to go see what was going on. Damn him! He heard a radio and said we needed to find out what was happening, blah blah blah. We’d still be safe and sound down that basement if he’d kept his mouth shut!

Look, I’m no coward. I don’t care what that…look, we were fine in the basement. I wasn’t the one saying those windows would hold. I was the one saying they wouldn’t hold! And did they? DID THEY?!

And was it my bright idea to go out for the gas? Did I shoot the lock off the tank and light the truck—the only vehicle!—ablaze? No! No, I was inside the house looking after the women. That’s right, they left me alone with my wife Helen, big help she is, that nutty girl and my injured kid. 

But when That Man got back in—when he broke down our secure door and led all those murder happy ghouls in with him!—did I just leave him and run back downstairs? No! Because I am not a coward. I helped him nail the door shut again.

And what happened then? What happened when that… that violent, uppity bastard is safely back inside the house, thanks to me? After he cost us our only vehicle? He punched me! He assaulted me! 

I had to get that gun! Two people were dead already on account of him and his big ideas. We weren’t safe with him around! Assaulting us and waving that gun around! 

I’m no coward! If we’d just stayed down that basement! If everybody had just listened to me. I was right. I was right!

I am not a coward.

-Cooper

*by Hope Madden. Voiceover by George Wolf. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.

Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.

Villain Diaries: Lola

*by Hope Madden. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.

Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.

Villain Diaries: Margaret White

Front Porch Forum

Member Outreach | Front Porch Forum

Hello, neighbors! You all know me, the daughter of the light who comes ‘round to remind you of the teenager’s path to salvation through the cross of Jesus. These are Godless times. The children are wandering through the wilderness of sin these days. But there is a path! We can help them see the sin of their days and ways. We can help them remain sinless. 

I’m here on the Lord’s work, spreading the gospel of God’s salvation through Christ’s blood. I want to invite you to send your teenager to me. They are overstimulated, surrounded by temptation. But in my prayer closet, your child will have time to think and pray. 

Eve was weak. Don’t you be weak. Don’t let your children be weak. I can see inside them. I can see their sin as surely as God can. Send them to me. We’ll pray. 

Any time, day or night! You know where to find me, the big white house on Caroline Street.

I pray you find Jesus.

-Margaret White

*by Hope Madden. Voiceover Hope Madden. Audio production George Wolf. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.

Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.

Neither Itsy Nor Bitsy

Don’t Move

by Rachel Willis

The first scene of director Maclain Nelson’s film Don’t Move is the kind of opening that one will either find brutally traumatizing or emotionally manipulative. Or perhaps a little of both. Either way, it starts with a bang.

Things slow down a bit as we spend time with Megan (Lyndsy Fonseca) while she processes the events of the opening scene. She’s persuaded to take a long-weekend camping trip with Pastor Rizzo (Tom Cavanagh) and a half-a-dozen others.

It’s surprisingly easy to find the cast endearing rather than irritating. Even though two macho dudes (Joseph Lee Anderson and Ricky Vargas) threaten to derail the peace Megan seeks while camping, their back-and-forth jabs are delivered with such flair, you’re entertained rather than annoyed.

The film moves slowly toward the inexorable confrontation between man and… something in the woods as our camping group settles in. The acting among the many cast members remains top notch, and a touching relationship builds between Pastor Rizzo and his daughter Emma (Hunter King). This could have devolved into a stereotypical “daughter hates and resents overbearing father,” but instead their relationship is more believable. It’s not perfect, but it’s sweet.

Once the action picks up, things get interesting. Jump scares are few, which makes them even more effective. The cast continues to work well together, so even as their situation deteriorates, we want them to succeed in overcoming the monster in the woods. It’s unfortunate that one of the strongest cast members (Vargas) is saddled with exceedingly cliché one-liners. The movie would have worked so much better if the character had been more original.

Of course, one of the hallmarks of any movie with a cast greater than five is that characters often rely on tropes to let us get to know them. Success here relies on the strength of the actors. In this case, they more than meet the challenge of differentiating themselves.

The cast and good special effects help create a film that’s a cut above similar fare.

Belly of the Whale

Whalefall

by Hope Madden

Austin Abrams is having quite a year. First, he battled mutants all over Raccoon City (Resident Evil), and now the poor guy gets swallowed whole by a sperm whale! Dude cannot catch a break!

Whalefall director Brian Duffield, who adapts Daniel Kraus’s book, traps you in there with him and for an hour and 46 minutes, you both struggle with Josh Brolin’s memory, an undigested octopus, time, and digestive fluids as Jay (Abrams) fights to survive.

Brolin is Mitt Gardiner: scuba enthusiast, tourist whale watching boat captain, and Jay’s combative father. Remember how fun it was to watch the two of them fight in Weapons? Well, this is not like that. The sparring Jay and his dad do, and the regret and resentment left behind, echoes loudly through Jay’s entire ordeal.

Were there no underlying metaphor, no larger concept fueling Jay’s fight for survival—no reason to cut away from that pulsating pool of goo now and again—Whalefall would have been little more than a pretty gross survival tale. It is as much a story of surviving grief as surviving the whale. Those daddy issues are a little heavy handed and sappy, sure, but still, you’ve never seen anything like Whalefall.

Editing, creature design, set design, and sound design coalesce to heighten tensions and convince you that you’re surrounded by innards. Crushing, moving, opening, closing, unpredictable innards. Duffield plays with the most primal of fears, and somehow, he and his team have crafted an environment that convinces.

Terrifying, claustrophobic, squishy, and primal, the anxiety Duffield creates is extraordinary. Is it realistic? How the hell do I know? But the filmmaker is committed and confident, and he’s found the perfect hero.

There is just something deeply likeable about Abrams. Whether he’s the laid-back smack head in Weapons or the arrested post-adolescent in Resident Evil, Abrams’s performances are earnest. There’s truth to them, as well as humor. For Whalefall, less humor and more earnestness.  In many ways, that’s why the film succeeds. It is unabashedly sincere, and Abrams carries that off perfectly.

Villain Diaries: Samara

Dear Mom,

Not sure you’ll get this. I’m writing it with a wet nail along the slimy walls of this well. But we’ve always had such a psychic connection, maybe you’ll still receive my thoughts.

I don’t hold the punishment against you. I understand. You were fond of those horses. Those simple, stupid animals. It’s like you to care for them. You’re so alike. That’s why you’ll go over the cliff too.

But before you do, I want to draw you a picture. Maybe a few pictures. Something to remember me by, while I’m here, alone, in the dark and wet. That is, here until some day, when another terrible mother is ready to put her child in harm’s way to save me.

Moms are so funny!

Love,

Samara

*by Hope Madden. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.

Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.

Mistress of Myself

Sense and Sensibility

by Hope Madden

Has it really been 31 years since Emma Thompson and Ang Lee beguiled us with Jane Austen’s iconic tale of love, sisterhood, and the crushing effects of patriarchy in Georgian England?

Georgia Oakley (Blue Jean) helms the latest look inside the Dashwood family. Level headed Elinor (Daisy Edgar-Jones) and her free spirited sister Marianne (Esmé Creed-Miles) face perils of heart and home after their father’s death leaves them, their mother (Caitriona Balfe, Belfast) and younger sister (Bodhi Rae Breathnach, Shelter) facing homelessness as the estate passes to the sisters’ dullard half-brother and his greedy wife.  

Class, the economic powerlessness of women, love, and sisterhood are among Austen’s most cherished themes, and every adaptation of each of her novels chooses its primary target. Usually, it’s love. But for Oakley and screenwriter Diana Reid, Sense and Sensibility is about sisterhood.

That hardly means that the quiet aching between Elinor and Mr. Ferrars (George MacKay, ideal) goes ignored. Or that Marianne’s passions for the rogue Willoughby (Frank Dillane) don’t throw the Dashwoods into a chaos of emotion. The new Sense and Sensibility is perfectly swoony in those important ways.

But Reid’s adaptation streamlines tangential characters to draw focus, and Oakley’s attention is paid to the effect love, passion, worry, and dependence has on Elinor and Marianne. Their relationship anchors the film and colors the rest of the tale with a sense of hope and struggle for agency that reminds you how timeless Austen can be.

Oakley also lets the girls’ hair down. The Dashwood women are less cinched and coiffured this go-round. Marianne, in particular, prefers her hair loose. It makes her connection to the wilds more vivid, but this earthiness carries over to the story as a whole. The Dashwoods are far easier to connect to as they do their own laundry and  then stain their dresses eating wild berries.

The bones of Austen’s story are absolutely intact, but Reid and Oakley amplify interactions that may mean more to a modern audience than those attended to in previous interpretations, big screen and small.

Fright Club: Skin Problems

Flesh is horror cinema’s stock and trade. Peeling back the skin on the genre takes us to places like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre or Tattoo. But what if it’s more of a personal skin problem? Like The Fly or The Believers (there are spiders in that zit!) or even Acne?

No, we’re looking at more skin than just that. These films ask you who you are and who that skin you’re wearing makes you.

5. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

There have always been those who claim The Silence of the Lambs is not a horror movie. A tale of a man who eats human flesh helping the FBI hunt down a man who wears human flesh feels like horror to us.

It’s to director Jonathan Demme’s credit that Silence made that leap from lurid exploitation to art. His masterful composition of muted colors and tense but understated score, his visual focus on the characters rather than their actions, and his subtle but powerful use of camera elevate this story above its exploitative trappings. Of course, the performances didn’t hurt.

4. The Skin I Live In (2011)

In 2011, the great Pedro Almodovar created something like a cross between Eyes Without a Face and Lucky McGee’s The Woman, with all the breathtaking visual imagery and homosexual overtones you can expect from an Almodovar project.

The film begs for the least amount of summarization because every slow reveal is placed so perfectly within the film, and to share it in advance is to rob you of the joy of watching. Antonio Banderas gives a lovely, restrained performance as Dr. Robert Ledgard, and Elena Anaya and Marisa Paredes are spectacular.

Not a frame is wasted, not a single visual is placed unconsciously. Dripping with symbolism, the film takes a pulpy and ridiculous storyline and twists it into something marvelous to behold.

3. Clown

Sympathetic, surprising, and often very uncomfortable, Jon Watts’s horror flick, though far from perfect, does an excellent job of morphing that lovable party favorite into the red-nosed freak from your nightmares. Because clowns are terrifying.

Watts, who co-wrote with the talented Christopher Ford, weaves a fantasy of Nordic folklore turned modern nightmare. There are moments of grotesque brilliance and edgy horror as poor Andy slowly, painfully morphs into a monster who feeds on children.

2. Under the Skin (2013)

Light on dialogue and devoid of exposition, Under the Skin requires your patience and your attention, but what it delivers is a unique and mesmerizing journey, a science fiction film quite unlike anything else out there.

Early elements call to mind Kubrick’s 2001, and once the film falls into its pace it conjures last year’s brilliant Upstream Color, but Glazer’s effort is certainly its own artistic achievement. Though an almost relentless series of similar incidents, somehow he punctuates this weird monotony with a fascinating balance of perplexity and humanity, and slowly, themes, character and plot emerge.

1. In My Skin (2002)

One of the less-scene gems of the New French Extreme, In My Skin is a tough watch. Esther (writer/director Marina de Van) loses grip on who she is at her very core when she fails to notice a serious injury done to her leg. This alienation from her physical self becomes an obsession with her physical self.

As bloody and uncomfortable as any film you will ever see, In My Skin succeeds as a horror film and a comment on identity and control both mainly due to de Van’s laser focused performance. Introspective, never showy, and unrelentingly believable, the turn anchors all the wild behavior in a way that makes it simultaneously mesmerizing and revolting.

Villain Diaries: The Overlook Mgmt.

*by Hope Madden. Voiceover and audio production by George Wolf. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.

Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.

Hope Madden and George Wolf … get it?