Well, I had to kill Wanda to get use of the treat truck. I think we both knew it was likely, you and I, and I suppose good practice. Just hope nobody wants ice cream where we’re going, because those little van freezers are pretty sloppy right now!
I also killed my dad’s friend Phil because he was reluctant to give up the whereabouts of this weekend’s race meetup, and also because he certainly would have told Dad about my visit, and also because I never especially cared for Phil. Didn’t like the cut of his jib. Oh, did he cry!
I think you’ll be proud, Diary, I decided to paper map it. No phone app on this mission, and not just for judicial deniability, either. The paper map felt right, like my tall, white paper hat. Proud, somehow.
It’ll be a great surprise for Dad, I think. Don’t you? All his elite athletes murdering the inferior competition, while I make mincemeat of the race organizers and security detail? I did, by the by, find a challenging but manageable how-to for the proper mincing of meat. No short cuts!
Anyhoo, can’t wait to see the look in Dad’s eyes, his whole premium-grade super superior team blown, gutted, and fileted as all the sad sack losers on the course die.
It is a little sad, you’re right. Losers are my favorite. Maybe I’ll butcher your odd athlete here and there. I’m told they sometimes come in costume! Dandy!
Diary, my dear, you have been such a support as we’ve plotted and planned this day of carnage. I wish I could carry you with me, but we both know I barely have hands enough for all these knives! Still, rest easy, friend. For I will report back. Every gruesome detail.
Onward!
Your favorite culinary artist,
Mason
*by Hope Madden. Voiceover by Riley Wolfington. Art by Anthony Michael Carroll.
Back in 2010—aah, that innocent time—writer Aaron Sorkin (with writer Ben Mezrich) took us behind the curtain to witness the weaselly, insecure, creepy underpinning of the social media revolution.
With The Social Reckoning, writer/director Sorkin checks back in on Mark Zuckerberg (Jeremy Strong) to see how his social network was doing between 2018 – 2021. A less innocent time for all involved.
But “Zuck” is not the main character. This is the story of whistleblower Frances Haugen (Mikey Madison), a Facebook engineer who loves her job on the Civic Integrity team and believes in the mission to connect people. But she can no longer live with Facebook and Zuckerberg’s intentional misuse of research to amplify profits while knowingly damaging users’ mental health, public safety, and democracy itself.
If The Social Network was a warning, The Social Reckoning is less an “I told you so” than a “holy shit!”
Haugen slowly learns to trust Wall Street Journal investigative journalist Jeff Horwitz (Jeremy Allen White) with what she knows, hoping he can expose the corporate malfeasance, and her dream job can go back to being dreamy.
Sorkin’s films work best when he’s dealing with hyper intelligent characters, and that’s certainly the case here. His spectacular cast, including Betty Gilpin, Wunmi Mosaku, Billy Magnussen, and Bill Burr, is on point in every scene. The banter between the analog Horwitz and the tech-intensive Haugen is often delightful, bringing a low-key levity to the otherwise very high-key script.
The film’s pace juggles timelines efficiently, allowing Sorkin to make a sly juxtaposition of two viruses and use a data scientist’s “dumbed down” explanations to an old school journalist as the perfectly organic vehicle for bringing us all into their circle of trust. The Oscar-winning Madison is terrific, revealing hurt and disillusion as Haugen’s belief that social media reveals the best of us is crushed by the realization that her employer is knowingly manufacturing our worst.
White becomes a wonderful counterpoint, a more world-weary soul careful to protect his prized source while patiently encouraging her instincts to expose what she knows.
And Jeremy Strong turns in yet another award-worthy supporting turn as a real person. He takes the cutthroat glimpses of Zuck we saw from Jesse Eisenberg and molds them into a cold and detached tycoon, eager to proclaim his devotion to the “public square” while quietly giving bigger bullhorns to the town criers that are most profitable.
Anyone with a social feed knows that anger is a helluva drug, and when the company line fears blowback more than incitement, fires get stoked early and often.
Scenes with Zuck conferring in a lair with investors prove there are still spots where Sorkin can’t resist the urge to overstate the obvious and push one preachy beat too hard. But, man, then he’ll unleash a string of intelligent, well-stated and completely engaging points, counterpoints and rebuttals (often between Strong and Burr in the film’s most fiery moments) that right the ship right quick.
Even if you haven’t followed the story of Haugen, Horwitz and the Pulitzer Prize-winning Facebook Files, The Social Reckoning probably won’t surprise you with how obscene this all has become. But it might help you reconsider your own algorithms, and it will definitely remind you of the type of courage and integrity that still defines the best of us.
I mean, really, how many of us still think that social media was a good idea?
Before we say more, let us begin with this. We stand behind our product. We do not disregard nor disrespect the concerns surrounding our lushly illustrated pop-up book, Mr. Babadook. Every concern from a reader, be it a child or a parent, whether it’s in a word or it’s in a look, is taken very seriously by our organization.
Perhaps not every child is cut out for Mr. Babadook. He appeals to a certain imagination. He can make some children feel less alone. Isn’t there comfort in knowing your child believes he’s let someone into his life who will never leave? For some children—and their overworked, under-rested parents—Mr. Babadook is a dream come to life.
Concerns such as those shared about this product are hard to be rid of. A mistake, error, or issue like this is something that, once you see it, can’t be unseen. If, indeed, you see it at all. Perhaps it’s there. Perhaps you’re reading something into it. That’s the real issue, isn’t it? Not what’s there, but what’s underneath?
Maybe it’s not our book. Maybe it’s you.
If Mr. Babadook does not thrill your child, we’ll gladly mail one of our publisher’s other remarkable tales for children: Basement Buddy, The Face at the Window, Who’s There in the Corner? or the classic, Come and Play With Mr. Goat.
But keep Mr. Babadook at no additional cost. Perhaps you’ll change your mind. Perhaps you’ll find a spot in your family for him.
Regards,
Somebody’s Knocking Publishing House
*by Hope Madden. Voiceover by Hope Madden. Audio production by George Wolf. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.
Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.
Who doesn’t like a good ghost story? And a Japanese ghost story at that!
Writer/director Dave Boyle (Man from Reno) generates spooky tension with Never After Dark, his tale of a traveling psychic hired to help the dead leave this plane. Airi (Moeka Hoshi, TV’s Shōgun), the quietly no-nonsense medium, arrives at an isolated little inn recently purchased on auction by a widow (Tae Kimura) and her son (Kento Kaku). Odd things are happening at the property.
It’s hard to place the period for the film. Landlines, sweater vests and shoulder pads suggest early 90s (a sweet spot for J-horror). The analog vibe suits the film’s dreamy pace. This is a slow burn, sometimes perhaps slower than necessary, but it’s still effective.
Boyle immediately introduces a worn-out genre trope only to expose it, using the gimmick as a tool for the narrative at hand. It works surprisingly well. Images throughout the film feel familiar more than borrowed, and Boyle’s framing and use of light give scenes a lovely but spooky quality.
Hoshi delivers a fascinating central performance: a loner who’s not alone, a polite misanthrope more comfortable with the dead than the living. The balance of the small cast impresses with memorable characters, but the tension grows because of Hoshi. Airi’s petulant defiance of sound advice, her occasionally reckless behavior, and her utter isolation coalesce as the entity in the inn is more fully revealed.
When the violence does come, it’s unsettling. But Boyle has spent more than an hour slowly drawing your interest and almost reluctant affection for these characters, and that’s where the tension really comes from.
Never After Dark delivers on its earliest promise of a stylish supernatural thriller, but Boyle isn’t afraid to get nasty here and there. The combination gives the horror a little substance and the style a nice punch.
There’s a lot of recipes for bar-b-que, but you’re gonna wanna eat mine. I promise! Good old Texas BBQ the way Grandpa taught me. There was nobody better’n ol’ Grandpa. Did it the old fashioned way. He even kilt the meat. Give it a respectable killing too, not like they do nowadays.
Now, I can’t take no pleasure in killing. Don’t have the heart for it. The suffering, now, that I don’t mind.
And I know something about feeding a family on a budget. I got two sons to feed. Hungry fellas. Sometimes they need some discipline. I have to give ‘em the stick! But most days, my barbeque quiets ‘em down. They even like to help, dumb as they are.
Even Grandpa still likes a taste! He’ll suck a bone clean. There’s nothing like a family dinner. And my bbq recipe, why, it won’t break the bank.
Start with the meat. Any kind will do, really, so long as you give it a good killing. And you use all the parts. You can even boil the head for head cheese. You can even find use for the skin, the bones. My boys, they’re artistic like. But me, I stick to what I know: barbeque.
I like it smoked. Saves on electricity. The cost of electricity is enough to drive a man out of business! So, you need a good smoke stack and some hooks. Steel hooks, any kind of hook big enough to hold the meat. Then a good fire, let it hang there and cook in its juices. That’s what makes it tender, a good old fashioned hooking!
And the sauce, well, the sauce, that’s just odds and ends, whatever’s handy. It’s the meat that counts. Good piece of meat, fresh, killed proper and smoked to bring out its flavor. Nothing, I mean nothing, beats some good old fashioned Texas barbeque.
*by Hope Madden. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.
Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.
Before the age of 27, Dolph Lundgren was an international karate champion, had a master’s degree in chemical engineering, was set to go MIT on a Fullbright Scholarship for his doctorate, and was both the bodyguard and boyfriend of singer/model/actress Grace Jones. In other words, he had already had a wildly successful and varied life by that point. The fact that he also became an international movie star after all that is just icing on the cake.
Dolph: Unbreakable covers all of the important mile-markers in Lundgren’s life. His early years in Sweden. His time abroad as a college student/martial artist. And then, yes, his crazy ride through the Hollywood system as a bodyguard turned action star turned director. Many of your favorite Dolph movies get some play here, but one should not sit down with this film expecting it to be an expose on his action movies.
Sure, the likes of Rocky IV, Masters of the Universe, The Punisher, Universal Soldier, The Expendables, Creed II, and many more are all brought up, but only ever in relation to where Dolph was at in his life and in his head as they occurred. This is a documentary about the man, not the movie star. Instead, we are given a story about an incredibly intelligent and athletically-gifted child who has endured an unending barrage of life’s pains and pleasures across decades, growing into a man who is grateful to still be around in this world.
Childhood abuse, academic success, athletic championship, failed relationships, blockbuster stardom, embarrassing paycheck gigs, substance abuse, severe kidney cancer, etc. All of it is covered in a manner more open and personal than one tends to find in similar documentaries. Our subject is unafraid to talk about his failures as much as he does his successes. You will see Dolph break stones and Rocky Balboa, but you’ll also see him break down crying as well.
If there’s a fault with this film, it’s only in that it isn’t longer. At 74 minutes, the film leaves a few areas of Lundgren’s life that could have been covered a bit more deeply. As it stands, it’s still an engaging and emotional piece of work. One that will no doubt be of interest to Dolph’s fans, as well as perhaps others who have casually enjoyed his work throughout the decades.
Dolph: Unbreakable is an intimate portrait of a man who has lived a very remarkable life full of extreme highs and extreme lows, and it’s a pretty good portrait at that.
*by Hope Madden. Voiceover by Riley Wolfington. Clip production by George Wolf. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.
Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.
BOAT TOURS! CAPE FEAR RIVER AND SURROUNDING TRIBUTARIES! CALL CAPTAIN MAX CADY!
North Carolina. This really is the land of the free.
You know what you are? Free as a bird. Free to go wherever, whenever. But you can’t escape your demons just by leavin’ home. That much freedom could get a fella into trouble. Without the right guide, I mean.
Do you want a lake tour guide who’s less than human? My mission is to be more than human.
And just let me get a gander at the rest of your family. I can even get in touch with my feminine side, if that’s what it takes. I got something planned for your wife and kid that they ain’t never gon’ forget.
I’ll show you things on the Cape Fear river you never in your wildest dreams imagined. I am offering you something hot. I won’t force you to make a commitment. But you could say I’m here to save you. Save you money and frustration on a cut rate boat captain, that is.
Contact Captain Max Cady.
I’ll see ya around, counselor.
*By Hope Madden. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.
Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.
Hope & George review this week’s new releases: Digger, Verity, Beware Boiúna, The Last First: Winter K2, Ghost in the Cell, Deathgasm 2: Goremageddon, Her Will Be Done, Infirmary, The Nice Ones, and The History of Concrete.
Listen, listen. I’m not the villain here. All right?
I’m an actor. There’s this kooky older couple in the building where I live. They said they could help me. Just bring me a tie, they said. Just bring them a tie that belonged to the one guy who kept getting all my parts.
You have no idea how competitive this industry is. And these people, they can help. They really can. One necktie, and suddenly I’m the golden boy. I didn’t do anything to him. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even know what they were going to do. Hell, I don’t know what they did do or how they did it, but…and I do feel bad for the guy! But am I going to pass up my big break?
And now they need a little more. The necktie, that was really to prove a point. To show me what they could do.
And Rosemary—my wife—deserves better than what we had. So, yes, I took some liberties. But who did it hurt, really? She wasn’t supposed to remember any of it. That’s what they told me! She wouldn’t remember anything. She’d just be pregnant – sure, a little sicker than a regular pregnancy, but a lot of women are sick while they’re pregnant. And then, it would be like she had miscarried. Sad, sure, but she’d get over it and we’d try again. Begin our own family. A family that could live the way we wanted to live, deserved to live.
It wasn’t easy for me, either, you know. Seeing my wife with that – thing. That beast. I had to watch that. But my sacrifice—you know—it was for us. I did it for us.
And what those people do, well, that’s their business. To each his own. Live and let live, right? They’re not so bad, really. I kind of feel sorry for them. Rosemary is always getting on me to be nicer to people. That’s all I was doing.
I’m not the villain.
*by Hope Madden. Voiceover and audio production by George Wolf. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.
Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.
