Tag Archives: Cat McAlpine

Turtles, All the Way Down

Sword of Trust

by Cat McAlpine

On a hot summer day Cynthia (Jillian Bell) and Mary (Michaela Watkins) walk into an Alabama pawn shop with a sword to sell. Shop owner Mel (Marc Maron) listens in disbelief as the women explain: This isn’t just any sword. This Union officer’s sword, and its accompanying documents, can prove that the South actually won the Civil War.

Sword of Trust pokes at what and who we believe in, and why. What leads people to believe that the world is actually flat or the deep state is actively erasing battles from history books? How many times can we forgive someone before we simply can’t anymore? Filmed on location in Birmingham, the pace of the film matches the speed of summer in the south. No one moves too fast, talks too loud, or quite gets to the point.

Penned by Lynn Shelton (who also directed) and Mike O’Brien, the dialogue is almost too natural, suggesting that most of the script was largely improvised. The frame work is a little choppy, with a focus on Cynthia and Mary at the start that suggests more of an ensemble focus than is delivered.

As the action picks up Cynthia, Mary, Mel, and pawn shop assistant Nathaniel (Jon Bass, loveable) all warily agree to pile into the back of a moving van with an unknown destination.

“This is definitely how people die.”

“This is how individual people die. There’s four of us.”

Then, we’re hit with a momentum bait and switch. The longest scene of the film takes place in the back of the van where the characters explain exactly how they came to this point in their lives. This is when realize the real film is about Mel, and his ability to find satisfaction in life despite its disappointments.

As the emotional epicenter, Maron is a marvelous star. Not dissimilar from his performance in Netflix’s GLOW, Maron has the beautiful, stuttering delivery of a man who can admit his life is “tragic” without ever truly contemplating that reality. Unfortunately, the rest of the film doesn’t rise to meet his performance.

The action is predictable and anticlimactic. Mel is worrying over bad decisions and a woman he’s still in love with, but his only onscreen interaction with Deirdre (Lynn Shelton, again) is early on and devoid of context. There are bright spots, like Nathaniel’s patient diligence in trying to explain to Cynthia how the world is actually flat, but the film doesn’t quite shine.

The Sword of Trust skims over the top of conspiracy theories and their cult followers. Every believer is either a backwoods idiot or a loveable idiot, both easily dismissed. There’s an opportunity to explore the cultural black holes that create these communities, but Mel isn’t really interested in them, so the narrative isn’t either.

Ultimately, this is a worthy effort to highlight the people and stories that find themselves in small, southern towns. But the film would’ve benefitted from either more evenly distributing its focus on the lives of all of its players or narrowing the narrative sharply on Mel.

Something Rotten

Ophelia

by Cat McAlpine

You’ve probably seen the painting “Ophelia” by Sir John Everett Millais (1852). It’s one of the most iconic images born from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and one of the most well-known paintings of the 19th century. In it, fair Ophelia floats on her back in a river, surrounded by her red hair, elaborate gown, and a fistful of flowers.

This painting seems to be the sole aesthetic for director Claire McCarthy’s Ophelia-centric Hamlet adaptation, as evidenced by a horrible red wig, and the film’s open on a recreation of the painting. Also Ophelia’s quirk is she likes to leave the castle in the middle of the day and just walk into the river?

This iconic imagery is immediately interrupted with a “You may think you know my story…” voice over that immediately dashed all my hopes for Ophelia. The following film was a bizarre infantilizing of a classic heroine, already disadvantaged by her source material. Writers Semi Chellas (adaptation) and Lisa Klein (novel) navigate a series of bizarre Shakespearian fan-service plot twists that only make the story seem less grounded.

You see, Hamlet (a very good George MacKay) fell for Ophelia (Daisy Ridley) because she was quirky. The other girls didn’t like her because she didn’t have money for jewels and didn’t care to learn to dance properly.

This characterization of Ophelia is so cheap that the chemistry between MacKay and Ridley fizzles, further highlighting Hamlet’s unhinged impulses while Ophelia remains a canvas for him to project onto. Ridley surprisingly has more chemistry with charming Devon Terrel (Horatio).

Because this re-telling gets the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead treatment, flourishes to the tale only happen in the margins when Ophelia would be off stage, and the story is still bound to all the events penned by Shakespeare. This means many key plot points seem to fly in from nowhere, even for those familiar with the original play. Out of nowhere Ophelia is awoken and told “Your father is dead. Hamlet accidentally killed him.” And while we’re experiencing events through Ophelia’s lens, we’re still left asking “Wait…what happened?”

Time that could’ve been spent developing Ophelia’s character or deepening her connection to her family (familial relationships being the focus of Hamlet) is instead spent on weird through lines about witchcraft and a secret twin. And while Ophelia ends up somewhere we don’t expect with a final resilient message about valuing yourself, the ending feels almost tacky instead of triumphant.

McCarthy’s film isn’t without merit. There’s some clever weaving of Shakespeare’s text into the dialogue. The costuming is beautifully done and the play-with-a-play performance makes for powerful imagery done in silhouette. The fight choreography is beautiful, fierce, and performed with a great fluidity. In all times, when the film is following the original plot, the fevered intensity of Hamlet shines through.

I hope one day sweet Ophelia gets a good story, a method for her madness, and a resolution for her watery demise. But this isn’t it.

Not All Dogs Go to Heaven

A Dog’s Journey

by Cat McAlpine

An alcoholic single mother (Glow’s Betty Gilpin) falls out with her dead husband’s family and struggles to juggle her floundering music career and responsibilities with her precocious young daughter (Abby Ryder Fortson, and later Kathryn Prescott). Is this a harrowing tale about the resilience of women and the litany of roles they must play?

Nope. This is A Dog’s Journey, sequel to the controversial 2017 hit A Dog’s Purpose. And the single mother is the bad guy – for many reasons, but largely because she doesn’t like dogs.

The film is based on the book sequel of the same name by W. Bruce Cameron. Cameron also penned the adaptation for film, with the help of three other writers. It took four people to write this movie.

I’m a strong believer that you should judge a movie within the genre it exists. A dog movie, for example, probably shouldn’t be judged against the same standards as, say Mad Max: Fury Road.

And yet, I can’t work A Dog’s Journey into a sphere where it achieves any kind of quality. This script reads like the bullet points from a rejected Hallmark channel feature. This film has less compelling dialogue and character development than Netflix’s notoriously bad A Christmas Prince.  The human action only exists to serve up easy hits for a dog’s inner monologue about butts and bacon, but the action somehow also needs to be compelling enough that a dog’s spirit continually reincarnates.

To trick you into thinking this film is emotionally developed, they kill the dog at least four times, because anyone will cry at a dying dog. That’s the schtick in this series. If a dog loves you enough, it never truly dies, it simply returns as another dog.

What is this world, where it’s always golden hour and the river bank is littered with perfect clusters of sunflowers? Do these characters actually exist in a purgatory – where despite a perfect pastoral backdrop, nothing can truly die, and all living creatures remember their last violent death?

There’s an opportunity for a third movie which takes a sharp left into existential sci-fi horror, but I doubt that script would resonate with the crowd at my showing who repeatedly chuckled at Bailey (voiced by Josh Gad) rooting for romance with his catch phrase “Just lick faces already.” Maybe the existential sci-fi horror was that I had to watch this film in a room full of people who enjoyed it.

The reality is, people did and will enjoy this movie. It’s filled with easy to identify archetypes. It’s clear who the bad guys and the good guys are. There’s a bad mom, childhood hijinks, an abusive boyfriend arc, a car chase, a move to New York to “make it”, and a cancer scare and recovery all in 108 minutes.  This movie requires zero brain power to consume because it’s a bland amalgam of all the unremarkable scripts that came before it – but with Gad’s sickeningly sweet puppy voiceover throughout.

I don’t know if dogs go to heaven, but I do know I’ll be seeing this film in hell.

Sexplicit Content

Ask Dr. Ruth

by Cat McAlpine

Ruth Westheimer stands only 4’ 7” tall and she knows it, mentioning her small stature frequently throughout the documentary Ask Dr. Ruth. She believes being small made her less intimidating when she took the world by storm talking frankly about sex. Ruth’s small stature also came in handy when she was grievously injured in the 1947-49 Palestine War, as she was able to stay in an overcrowded hospital by sleeping on a bookshelf.

Oh, that’s right. Ruth didn’t become Dr. Ruth until her 40’s. First she survived the holocaust in a Swiss orphanage, emigrated to Palestine, became a sniper for a Jewish paramilitary group during the war, started her education in Paris, fell in love and was married three times, emigrated to the United States, and raised a family.

Director Ryan White curates a beautiful narrative that explores Ruth’s constant position at the forefront of change and upheaval. The story flickers between a retelling of Ruth’s early life, the beginning of her career, and a reflection of what she’s managed to accomplish today. At 90 years old Ruth is still teaching classes, performing speeches, writing books, and giving advice. At one point she’s asked “Why write another book now, at 90?” (she’s published at least 30).

She replies with good humor, “What a stupid question.”

Ruth herself is a marvelous star. She’s proud of what she does – she’s kept recordings of all of her performances and you can spy flyers and posters of her appearances tacked up in her New York apartment. She’s warm and welcoming, a care-giver to her core, but she is also shockingly stoic for her jovial nature. Ruth keeps the events of her life at arm’s length. Accounts of past wars and lost loves are highlighted with animated re-enactments.

This is the point where I typically balk at documentaries. Animation or actor re-enactments often feel like a necessary evil in telling a story that cameras weren’t present for. I find the mixed media style off-putting and, honestly, tacky. In Ask Dr. Ruth though, the effect works pretty well. It helps that the dreamy animation is done with vignettes rather than characters mouthing a voice-over.

Toward the end of the film, there’s a super-cut montage of Ruth’s life. Black and white photos alternate with the beautiful animations and clips from 80’s talk shows. It’s wild and crazy, happy and sad, and so very, very Ruth.


This film is a heartwarming tale of what life is like as a refugee and an immigrant, a feminist icon who denies the label, and as a doting mother and grandmother. Allow yourself to be delightfully surprised by Ask Dr. Ruth.

I Don’t Want to Go Out—Week of April 8

Movie and more movies out this week in home entertainment. A couple are great, a couple are near misses, at least one is a real head-scratcher. No worries, though, we’ll sort through it with you.

Click the film title for the full review.

Mirai

The Wind

On the Basis of Sex

A Dog’s Way Home

Welcome to Marwen





I Don’t Want to Go Out—Week of March 11

Man, remember the boon of movies released for home viewing last week?! Well, don’t get greedy, I guess. This week contains a fun little psycho-sexual thriller plus two bloated SciFi blunders. Here is the skinny.

Click the film title for the full review.

Piercing

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindewald

Mortal Engines





Bingeable: Robin Hood

Robin Hood (the 2006 BBC One Series)

Seasons: 3

Status: Ended

Watch it on: Hulu

Well first of all Richard Armitage is in this Robin Hood rendition as the baddie, which should be reason enough to suffer through three seasons. But despite having headlined the Hobbit Travesty Trilogy as Thorin Oakenshield, and recently played the douchebag arm candy of Ocean’s 8, he has not gained the recognition he deserves. So I’m here to tell you that I saw Richard Armitage play John Proctor in an incredible production of The Crucible at The Old Vic in London, summer 2014, and he was fucking incredible. So catch up.

But this isn’t about Richard Armitage (yes it is). This is about the wonderfully horrible Robin Hood of BBC One. The first episode features Robin Hood making out with a buxom babe (with incredibly modern blue eyeshadow up to her eyebrows) and then backflipping off of a barn for…some reason.

If you get through the first season, you have absolutely no excuse not to get through the next two. You won’t want to miss when the gang makes it to the Holy Land or when they lose the one female main character, so they replace her with a new, singular female character.

Featuring: Coked Out Thorin Oakenshield and The Pit of Snakes from Raiders of the Lost Ark

Watch it because: Every time Robin makes a good shot, they show the arrow shooting from five different angles JUST LIKE when two characters accidentally kiss in an anime.





Bingeable: Letterkenny

Letterkenney

Seasons: 5
Status: Ongoing (but a little random)
Watch it on: Hulu

First, turn on subtitles. Nope, not kidding. Yes, they are Canadian. Yes, you still need the subtitles until you can catch up with the insane and hilarious cadence that lives on this show. Otherwise you’ll miss … basically the entire show.

Letterkenny takes place in a small town. Called Letterkenny. And it follows a man (Wayne), his sister (Katy), and his two closest friends (Daryl and Dan). There are some plotlines, mostly on finding love and glory in a small shitty town, but the real treat is just living in the same world as the whole host of quirky characters.

The humor is dry and almost entirely based on how everyone speaks (see: the hockey bros). You won’t want to be on your phone for this binge, you’ll be reading your English subtitles as fast as you can to keep up. And then you’ll have watched the entire show faster than you can say “Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er”.

Featuring: Terrifying Locals and One Punch Knockouts

Watch it because: You didn’t know cyber goths were a thing but now you see them everywhere.





Bingeable: The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Seasons: 1
Status: Season 2 coming 2019
Watch it on: Netflix

This ain’t the laugh track Sabrina you remember. This is bolder. Sexier. This is Sabrina with 666% more Satan. This is Sabrina taking place one town over from Riverdale.

The best part about Sabrina is that it takes place outside of time, much like Riverdale. Both series feature teenagers running amok with seemingly adult lives, unlimited time and money, and extremely limited supervision. Both series are also based on their respective comics. And, both series feature clothing and lifestyles that seem liberated by 2018 sensibilities in a weirdly 1950s setting.

While Riverdale flung Archie characters into a bizarre CW murder-mystery fan fiction, there was already much darker source material for The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina in a comic by the same name.

Sabrina has a refreshing arc that boils down to: How do I continue my life as a progressive young feminist AND harvest the undeniable power of Satan? Featuring more than one character of color and a gender fluid bff, CAOS shoots for progressive and lands somewhere near We’re Getting There.

You’ll have to forgive some (read: most) of its plot points (How does mining BY HAND sustain this city in the year of our dark lord…2018? 1950? What year is it?). You’ll also have to redefine what you mean by “good guys.” (Did she just say she misses eating long pig?) But you’ll be rewarded with some truly What The Fuck moments and the reincarnation of Salem the Cat’s sass into a sexy pansexual cousin on house arrest.

Featuring: The Statue that the Satanic Church is suing over

Watch it because: Riverdale doesn’t have enough actual Satanic worship for your taste.