Robin Hood (the 2006 BBC One Series)
Watch it on: Hulu
Well first of all Richard Armitage is in this Robin Hood rendition as the baddie, which should be reason enough to suffer through three seasons. But despite having headlined the Hobbit
Travesty Trilogy as Thorin Oakenshield, and recently played the douchebag arm candy of Ocean’s 8, he has not gained the recognition he deserves. So I’m here to tell you that I saw Richard Armitage play John Proctor in an incredible production of The Crucible at The Old Vic in London, summer 2014, and he was fucking incredible. So catch up.
But this isn’t about Richard Armitage (yes it is). This is about the wonderfully horrible Robin Hood of BBC One. The first episode features Robin Hood making out with a buxom babe (with incredibly modern blue eyeshadow up to her eyebrows) and then backflipping off of a barn for…some reason.
If you get through the first season, you have absolutely no excuse not to get through the next two. You won’t want to miss when the gang makes it to the Holy Land or when they lose the one female main character, so they replace her with a new, singular female character.
Featuring: Coked Out Thorin Oakenshield and The Pit of Snakes from Raiders of the Lost Ark
Watch it because: Every time Robin makes a good shot, they show the arrow shooting from five different angles JUST LIKE when two characters accidentally kiss in an anime.
The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
Status: Season 2 coming 2019
Watch it on: Netflix
This ain’t the laugh track Sabrina you remember. This is bolder. Sexier. This is Sabrina with 666% more Satan. This is Sabrina taking place one town over from Riverdale.
The best part about Sabrina is that it takes place outside of time, much like Riverdale. Both series feature teenagers running amok with seemingly adult lives, unlimited time and money, and extremely limited supervision. Both series are also based on their respective comics. And, both series feature clothing and lifestyles that seem liberated by 2018 sensibilities in a weirdly 1950s setting.
While Riverdale flung Archie characters into a bizarre CW murder-mystery fan fiction, there was already much darker source material for The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina in a comic by the same name.
Sabrina has a refreshing arc that boils down to: How do I continue my life as a progressive young feminist AND harvest the undeniable power of Satan? Featuring more than one character of color and a gender fluid bff, CAOS shoots for progressive and lands somewhere near We’re Getting There.
You’ll have to forgive some (read: most) of its plot points (How does mining BY HAND sustain this city in the year of our dark lord…2018? 1950? What year is it?). You’ll also have to redefine what you mean by “good guys.” (Did she just say she misses eating long pig?) But you’ll be rewarded with some truly What The Fuck moments and the reincarnation of Salem the Cat’s sass into a sexy pansexual cousin on house arrest.
Featuring: The Statue that the Satanic Church is suing over
Watch it because: Riverdale doesn’t have enough actual Satanic worship for your taste.