Category Archives: New In Theaters

Reviews of what’s out now

New In Theaters

Alphabetizing Slaughter with Mixed Results

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by Hope Madden

A project built from short horror films is nothing new in Columbus. Local groups routinely gather would-be filmmakers, provide a theme and set them loose.

Set such a thing on an international stage, draw on some of the best new (and new-ish) genre filmmakers, and you have The ABCs of Death, an uneven but fascinating smattering of horrific ideas, each tied to one letter of the alphabet.

Strap in, though. Twenty six films turn out to be quite a lot in one sitting, even if they clock in at around 4 minutes apiece. Some felt as swift as that running time suggests. Others seemed to go on for an unendurable length of time. (I’m looking at you, letter L.)

But any who’s who in horror, from semi-established international talent (Xavier Gens, Banjong Pisanthanakun, Ernesto Diaz Espinoza, Ben Wheatley, Nacho Vigalondo), to a mishmash of American filmmakers (Jason Eisener, Ti West, Adam Wingard), is bound to offer hit and miss results.

Take Noboru Igushi’s clip, example.  F is not for favorite.

Igushi is just one of several filmmakers (including two animators) distressingly preoccupied with toilet matters. Ti West – a study in the law of diminishing returns – likewise fixates his tale for the letter M. Of the many bathroom-related flicks, only Lee Hardcastle’s claymation vision “T is for Toilet” is worth watching.

Others segments pack a punch, though. Among the best are Marcel Sarmiento’s gritty but satisfying “D is for Dogfight”, Gens’s bodily horror “X is for XXL”, and Jake West’s fascinating reality check “S is for Speed”.

Timo Tjahjanto is one of several filmmakers linking horror and porn in a way that implicates viewers, and his effort, “L is for Libido”, is a mixed result. Perhaps with just 4 minutes, a sledgehammer approach to the point was needed. But I doubt I would have made it through the film had it been much longer, so that’s not really a complaint.

Yoshihiro Nishimura proves he knows how to make the most of his miniscule running time. No, size does not seem to matter in Z is for Zetsumetsu (Japanese for extinction), the film that packs more confetti exploding inflatable knife penises in four minutes than any film since Hannah and Her Sisters.

Good thing his flick was last. It’s hard to picture anyone following that batshit crazy piece of filmmaking.

3 stars (out of 5)

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He’s the Wiz and Nobody Beats Him!

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by Hope Madden

It takes balls to follow up Victor Fleming’s 1939 masterpiece The Wizard of Oz. A classic in so many ways – from its astonishing visual storytelling to its iconic characters to its oft-belted songbook – the film remains among the most beloved in American moviedom. More importantly, it introduced perhaps the greatest villain in cinematic history, the awe-inspiring Wicked Witch of the West.

Director Sam Raimi sets out to prove he has a pair with Oz: The Great and Powerful, a prequel to the classic that details the wizard’s earliest escapades in Oz.

Beginning and ending with its pop-up book inspired credits, Raimi’s film boasts a hokey visual charm appropriate for its vaudeville-esque hero.  Raimi employs state of the art technology to wow in the way inventive backdrops filmed with brand-spanking new Technicolor caused jaws to drop in ’39, forever imbuing his cutting edge visuals with an enjoyably retro quality.

Oz also mimics its predecessor’s format: opening in black and white Kansas, introducing characters that will feel oh-so-familiar once we’re in the topsy turvy land of Oz, before landing in the hyper-saturated color and 3D majesty of fantasy.

No songs, though.

Still, it’s not just the visual element that made the original a classic, and 2013 audiences are pretty used to being wowed visually. What else has Raimi got?

A pretty impressive cast, actually, though few feel right for their characters. Oscar winners and nominees mix with established character actors to populate the overripe landscape, but most of them are filling some pretty big shoes.

A likeable James Franco keeps you interested, but he lacks any real sense of showmanship or seediness as the morally conflicted Oz, carnival shyster turned powerful wizard.

The always wonderful Rachel Weisz comes off best as the intriguing enchantress Evanora. The also extravagantly talented Michelle Williams really struggles, however. She tries to keep Glinda’s spirit intact without becoming too restricted by Billie Burke’s originating (let’s be honest, annoyingly sugary) performance. I’m not sure she succeeds.

It’s Mila Kunis, though, who stumbles most – a crippling misstep in casting.

But Raimi gets points for the sheer joy in his storytelling and his effort’s obvious love for both its predecessor and the work of writer L. Frank Baum.

The vividly animated adventure offers enough energy and entertainment to shake off these snowy March weekend blahs. It will hardly stand the test of time the way the original has, but it’s a fun way to waste a couple hours right now.

3 stars (out of 5)

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What happened to last year’s History teacher?

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By George Wolf

 

After great films such as Lincoln, Argo and Zero Dark Thirty last year, 2013 has big shoes to fill in the historical drama department.

Emperor, despite the best of intentions, is not a good fit.

Based on the book His Majesty’s Salvation by Shiro Okamoto, the film is set at the end of World War II. Japan has surrendered, and U.S. Supreme Commander Douglas MacArthur has mere days to advise the President on the fate of Japanese Emperor Hirohito.

MacArthur assigns General Bonner Fellers (Matthew Fox) to conduct a quick investigation into whether or not Hirohito should be considered a war criminal, and then in all likelihood, executed.

The story is built around Fellers and his mission, relegating the iconic MacArthur to supporting status. Casting the legendary Jones as MacArthur makes sense, but it only adds to the pressure on the actor portraying Fellers. He must not overshadow the Supreme Commander, yet still craft his own character finely enough to hold your interest.

Neither Fox, nor the script he’s working with, get it done.

While we follow Fellers on his quest to decipher just who deserves blame for leading Japan to attack Pearl Harbor, we end up wondering what MacArthur is up to. It doesn’t help that screenwriters Vera Blasi and David Klass insert flashbacks to a romance between Fellers and a young Japanese woman he met during his college years.

The romance is meant to give you a deeper understanding of Fellers, but it’s so tepid and by-the –numbers it ends up feeling totally unnecessary, a point which is driven home by how quickly MacArthur brushes it off when he learns of Fellers’s possible conflict of interest.

Maybe the most curious aspect of Emperor is that it comes from director Peter Webber, who so artfully crafted 2003’s The Girl with the Pearl Earring. That film emerged as a beautiful period piece, but much of Emperor just doesn’t pass the eye test. From the sets to the clothes, it often looks cold and esoteric, further hampering any emotional connection.

The historical films of last year proved that even though endings may be well-known, great storytelling and inspired performances can result in renewed suspense and emotion.

Emperor just doesn’t have the horses.

2 stars (out of 5)

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White Trash Family Enlivens Dull Horror Flick

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by Hope Madden

Three years ago, an indie flick took a few well-worn concepts – found footage, cults, backwoods spooks and Satan – and pieced together the surprisingly creepy The Last Exorcism. This weekend, its sequel, The Last Exorcism Part 2: This One’s Really the Last (they may have dropped that subtitle), shares what happened next to poor Nell Sweetzer and her demon lover.

Well, she (Ashley Bell, who was truly wonderful in the original) starts out by scaring the living shit out of a suburban couple – promising! From there, though, it’s a home for horny teenage girls and voodoo – which actually sounds a lot more interesting than it turns out to be.

The original benefited from performances far superior to the source material. Not only was Bell tender, vulnerable, brittle and oh-so-contorted-and-creepy, but her co-stars were magnificent. Patrick Fabian, in particular, as the charlatan exorcist finally coming clean, gave the film a heartbeat.

Unfortunately, those characters all died in the first movie, leaving Bell with little more than a new, uninteresting director; a new, uninspired set of writers; and a new, mostly bland cast to help her finish up Nell’s tale.

Unconvincingly playing a character ten years her junior, Bell struggles to create the believable center needed to anchor nutty horror shenanigans. She gives a solid performance – again fragile and yearning – but the contortions are gone.

What? Well then, why the hell even do this? What’s the point in making an exorcism film if we never get to see the possessed writhe around, snapping joints and freaking us all out?

That’s just one of the unexplained mysteries the film poses. Others include the age old: what possesses parents to taking their bottle-drinking tots to late night screenings of horror films? What is an audience member to do when the toddler screams in genuine terror throughout most of the film? How wrong is it to slap a mother in the face when she says, loudly, to her man, “I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with him?” The baby. She’s talking about her terrified baby, (up way past his bedtime, no less).

Mother of the year, people. Womb of a future mass murderer.

The sad thing is that her negligence was more interesting than the film. So why fork over the cash to see this one in the theaters when you can be equally horrified by the behavior of some white trash family? Surely it’s cheaper to find one of those.

2 stars (out of 5)

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Just one beer? Sure, what could go wrong?

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By George Wolf

 

If your name happens to be Randy, you’ll get some extra chuckles out of 21 and Over, thanks to a running gag about a d-bag of that name and his overly supportive friends.

For you non-Randys, the first directing effort from a seasoned writing duo will seem plenty familiar. It is  funny in spots, it’s just not too concerned with doing anything remotely original.

Jon Lucas and Scott Moore boast a resume full of comedy screenplays, some very funny (The Hangover, The Change-Up) and some..not so much (Ghost of Girlfriends Past, Four Christmases).  For their first foray into directing their own script, they don’t stray far from the comfort zone of bawdy dude humor and beer-fueled mayhem.

Stressed out college boy Jeff Chang (Justin Chong) has no plans to hit the bars on his 21st birthday, thanks to a big job interview his taskmaster father has arranged for early the next day.  This doesn’t sit well with Jeff’s buddies Miller (Miles Teller) and Casey (Skylar Astin), and as they coax Jeff out for “just one beer,” the night goes horribly wrong in record time.

The drunken adventure unfolds with plenty of nods to Weekend at Bernie’s, Animal House and of course, The Hangover, as Lucas and Moore unveil most of the shenanigans via the “what happened before” angle of their biggest hit. What’s missing from this, and all, Hangover imitators, though, is the sharply drawn characters and the talented chemistry of the actors.

21 and Over does earn an “A“ for effort, painting Miller as the crazy party-hound, Casey as the good-hearted nerd, and JeffChang (always called by this one name, which remains funnier than you might think) as the nutty Asian guy because, you know, The Hangover had one. No Mike Tyson? What gives?

Teller also starred in the high school party flick Project X, and he seems to relish playing a character with more of a grown-up edge.  He goes a bit overboard though, as Miller’s obnoxiousness nearly renders the character unlikeable.  Astin is basically recycling his nice-guy role from Pitch Perfect while Chong, when his character isn’t passed out entirely, does manage some humorously unhinged antics.

Ironically, Lucas and Moore may have been better suited to follow Project X’s lead and offer no apologies for the debauchery. Ultimately, though, they can’t resist lessons about maturity as they chase the cheesy “I’ve learned something today” moment.

2 ½ stars (out of 5)

 

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Something’s Up with Jack

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By Hope Madden

Have you ever wanted to see a nose so big you might be swallowed whole by its gaping pores? In 3D, no less? Director Bryan Singer (X-Men) hopes so, because he means to shake up our chilly moviegoer blahs with an enormous adventure filled with ill-tempered, poorly groomed giants. It’s Jack the Giant Slayer, Singer’s attempt to cash in on teen romance, 3D, and the dearth of late winter entertainment.

The story veers a bit from the nursery school fable, in that there’s an adventurous princess, a back stabbing egomaniac suitor, a crown made of giant heart, and no golden goose at all. Plus, there are an awful lot more giants than I remember.

Wisely, Singer sees the opportunity for medieval battle on a grand scale. Like a giant scale. And once we finally get to some action, the film’s a lot of fun. But beware: its prelude is a long slog.

Singer’s first foray into the third dimension bores. Giants look like unconvincing cartoons, the views are nice but not spectacular, and the action sequences – though entertaining – benefit in no way from the technology.

Nicholas Hoult finished Twilight-ing zombies for Warm Bodies just in time to pull that same shit with this old fairy tale. While he’s a very likeable soul, he brings too little energy or magnetism to the screen.

A sly Ewan McGregor, on the other hand, charms as the princess’s main guardian, his ever wackier hairstyle (who knew so much product was available in days of yore?), captivating smile and over-the-top gallantry injecting the flick with some much needed vibrancy.

The great Stanley Tucci finds himself underused – a particular shame because he makes such a great villain, and his comic timing could have helped the film find more enjoyable footing. Also underutilized is Bill Nighy, voice of one of evil giant General Fallon’s heads. Plus, the usually wonderful Ian McShane just looks silly in that suit of gold armor.

Singer’s pace is leaden, and his patchwork script puts off action far too long to keep your attention. The film’s slightly too violent and far too slow for very young viewers, yet too earnest and lumbering for anyone else. The FX can’t even impress.

There’s nothing especially awful about Jack the Giant Slayer (though, I, for one, was hoping for a slightly different ending). Maybe Hollywood thought that good was enough for late winter at the movies.

2 stars (out of 5)

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Drugs are Bad…Mmmkay?

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By George Wolf

 

In the first few minutes after we meet the main character in Snitch, he utters the line, “I’ve been rolling the dice all my life.” Ugh.

Normally, an eye-rolling opening such as this does not bode well for the rest of the film. Happily, though, Snitch is able to squeeze a nice bit of human drama into an otherwise standard Hollywood whitewash of a complex issue.

Snitch is, as they say, “based on true events” that occurred when a man named James Settembrino went undercover for the DEA in exchange for leniency toward his son’s sentence after a first-time drug offense.

The film version centers on construction company owner John Mathews (Dwayne Johnson), a successful businessman with a new wife and child. When his estranged son from a previous marriage agrees to hold a package of drugs for a dealer, all involved quickly learn harsh realities about mandatory sentencing.

John’s pleas to the federal prosecutor (Susan Sarandon) go for naught, so he offers to help the Feds nab more major players in the drug trade.

Johnson has made his mark as a action star, which might explain pairing him with director Ric Roman Waugh, a longtime stunt coordinator still fairly new to helming feature films. There certainly are action sequences, but Snitch works best when Waugh dials it down to focus on smaller moments.

Particularly effective is a side plot involving John’s employee Daniel (Jon Bernthal of The Waking Dead). Daniel is an ex-con trying to distance himself from his drug-running past, but John needs him for an introduction to a local dealer named Malik (a menacingly good Michael Kenneth Williams).

Waugh wrings palpable tension from John’s foray into the drug world, and Bernthal skillfully articulates Daniel’s internal struggle, giving the film the emotional pull that should have come from John and his family.  Those scenes, flush with overwrought writing and uninspired acting, barely rise above the level of a daytime soap.

The problem really isn’t Johnson, who pulls off his best performance to date. Wisely, his massive physique is kept under wraps as much as possible, in an effort to paint John as little less Superman and a little more common man.

Unfortunately, the superhero element eventually wins out, and the film walks away from the moral ambiguities it was contemplating to instead deliver an over the top finale clearly designed to draw empty applause.

 

3 stars (out of 5)

 

 

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Yippi Ki Yawn

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By George Wolf

 

Okay, full disclosure:  the original Die Hard is my all time favorite movie.

One of that film’s many great qualities is, back then Bruce Willis’s John McClane character was a regular guy in extreme circumstances. While each of the three sequels has been at the very least decent, McClane himself has morphed into more of a wise-cracking superhero.

That has never been more true than in A Good Day to Die Hard, the fifth, and definitely the weakest, in the series.

This new adventure has John traveling to Russia, where there apparently is no police force. He’s there to help his estranged son Jack (Jai Courtney) out of a jam, but John is barely out of the cab from the airport when things start exploding, drawing father and son into a ridiculous yarn involving a Russian political prisoner and a secret file.

There may have been an acceptable action flick at the heart of Skip Woods’s script, but director Jon Moore (Max Payne) buries it under misguided pacing and wretched excess.

The extended car chase that kicks off the film becomes downright tedious, setting the stage for a film that never has a chance to build any tension or interest. Though the film’s finale does boast some action that’s worthy of the Die Hard name, getting there just isn’t enough fun. Moore keeps his foot on the gas until he abruptly stops for some father-son bonding time, and much of the film feels slapped together (the bad editing job doesn’t help matters).

Producers may be grooming Courtney (Jack Reacher) to take over the franchise, but his charisma, in this effort at least, is lacking.

Sadly, so is the film.

2 stars (out of 5)

 

New In Theaters

Hey, your sandwich is talking to you

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by Hope Madden

“You don’t choose the soy sauce. The soy sauce chooses you.”

If you hear these words while holding a bratwurst to your head like a cell phone, it would seem the soy sauce has indeed chosen you, as it has Dave and John in the mind-bender John Dies at the End.

Slacker vigilantes hunting the supernatural, Dave (Chase Williamson) and John (Rob Mayes) “handle unusual problems.” Like dealing with that meat monster in the hot girl’s basement – things like that. How did they come to this occupation? Well, that’s just what Dave is going to explain to a curious journalist (Paul Giamatti).

The tale he spills comes together in shades of Cronenberg, Burroughs, and Philip K. Dick, spun with the sensibilities of Sam Raimi circa Evil Dead. And that, my friends, is fine company.

Directed by Don Coscarelli (best known for Phantasm, but personally beloved for Bubba Ho-Tep), John Dies offers a fun hallucination on film. Its trippy logic doesn’t hold up for the full running time, but it’s certainly never dull, it boasts some fun cameos (Clancy Brown is particularly cool), and its “whatevs” style of clever remains surprisingly enjoyable.

3 stars (out of 5)

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Do Not Mess with The Formula!

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By George Wolf

 

Rule number one:  do not  mess with the formula (I know it’s not really rule number one, but we’re not supposed to talk about the real rule number one so this is the fake rule number one, now shush!)

The formula in question comes courtesy Nicholas Sparks, whose novels, from Message in a Bottle to The Notebook and beyond, have all become films with very recognizable elements. Attractive, lovestruck people in an idyllic setting are kept apart by emotional damage, family tragedy and ties to the past but somehow fight through the melodrama to find each other just in time for a tear-filled finale. And rain, don’t forget getting soaked by rain.

So far, the films have ranged from heinous to barely watchable.

The latest, Safe Haven, ranks as one of the better efforts. Not good, but at least a wee bit of an improvement.

The quaint setting this time is Southport, a small town in North Carolina that seems a perfect landing spot for Katie (Julianne Hough), a young woman running from..say it with me..her past.

Is she emotionally fragile, and pretty? Why yes, and so is local nice guy Alex (Josh Duhamel), the single father who is still reeling from the death of his wife.

Even if you haven’t read the book, you’ll guess most of the rest, though director Lasse Hallstrom (Chocolat) does an admirable job of exercising some restraint as long as possible.

In the end, though, the emotional manipulation ingrained in each Sparks story will not be denied, as secrets from both Katie and Alex’s past collide in a melodramatic mess.

But wait! Sparks then adds the coup de grace, a shameless device that, though easily omitted to benefit the film version, showcases the formula so well all you can do is tip your hat in disgust.

These stories aren’t designed to be average. They are meant to be remarkable, if only for the sheer bombast of their sentimentality, and Safe Haven will keep the customers satisfied until the next installment.

2 stars (out of 5)