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Freaks Off the Leash

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Freaky Tales

by George Wolf

Look, I’m not saying I didn’t expect someone to make a Sleepy-Floyd-as-a-ninja-assassin horror comedy. I am saying I didn’t expect it to be Boden and Fleck.

Eric “Sleepy” Floyd played thirteen years in the NBA, making the All Star team in 1987 as a member of the Golden State Warriors. Freaky Tales makes him the heroic centerpiece of a wild anthology that loves the late 80s, Oakland, and Nazis dying some horrible deaths.

Let’s party!

Ryan Fleck may be an Oakland native, but his films with partner Anna Boden haven’t primed us for this campy, Grindhouse detour. Breaking in with the standout indie dramas Half Nelson and Sugar, they moved closer to the mainstream with the road tripping gamblers of Mississippi Grind before giving Captain Marvel a satisfying MCU debut in 2019.

Freaky Tales feels like a return to a low budget indie mindset, where ambitious and energetic newcomers want to showcase their favorite movies, music, and neighborhoods while they splatter blood and blow shit up.

The tone is set in the first of four chapters, when local skinheads make a habit of busting up a punk club. Pushed too far, the young, pierced pacifists decide to take bloody revenge with the help of a Scott Pilgrim aesthetic and a glowing green substance seemingly from another world.

Episodes two and three back off on the bloodletting, but begin interconnecting the tales with shared characters. A racist cop (Ben Mendelsohn) harasses two ice cream shop clerks (Normani, Dominique Thorne) before they get the chance to battle rap star Too $hort (DeMario Symba Driver, although the real rapper is also in the cast) onstage at a local hip hop club.

Meanwhile, an organized crime enforcer on the way to losing all he cares about (Pedro Pascal) disappoints a snobbish video rental guy (Tom Hanks in a fun cameo) while references to Sleepy Floyd (Insecure‘s Jay Ellis) get more and more frequent.

Part four brings everything together in an explosion of Metallica metal and Tarrantino-esque alternative history, with Floyd slicing up enough bad guys to impress Uma Thurman before breaking out the break dancing that runs beside the closing credits.

If you haven’t guessed, this is a crazy ride that has plenty to offer fans of bloody fun and WTF plot turns. And while the middle chapters sometimes tread water compared with the action splatter of parts one and four, give Boden and Fleck credit for throwing us one we didn’t see coming.

Buried under all this blood and camp, the film displays a genuine love of time, place and genre that you cannot ignore. These Freaky Tales are truly off the leash, usually in the best possible way.

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Me So Horny

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Death of a Unicorn

by George Wolf

Man, what’s with all these “eat the rich” movies lately?

Cough, cough..it’s a mystery. But Death of a Unicorn treats the idea more literally than most. And though it ultimately pulls up too safely, the film does have some fun unleashing mythical mayhem and the bloodiest of comeuppances.

Elliot (Paul Rudd) and his daughter Ridley (Jenna Ortega) are driving through the mountains to the Leopold Wilderness Preserve, a sprawling compound named for the family that runs the big Pharma firm where Elliot is legal counsel.

Elliot and Ridley’s relationship is still fractured from the recent death of their respective wife and mother, and their front seat bickering takes Eliot’s eyes off the road long enough to strike what really looks like a unicorn.

Misplaced priorities leave Elliot too worried about blowing his big promotion, so they load the beast in the rental car (“I got the damage waiver!”) and head on up the road where cancer-stricken CEO Odell Leopold (Richard E. Grant), his wife Belinda (Téa Leoni) and their designer shorts-loving son Shepard (Will Poulter) are waiting.

But Unicorns are too magical to stay dead, and they have healing powers that can cure things like acne and cancer. Big Pharma families find those cures very attractive, while Big Uni is out to punish the greedy.

This is the feature debut for writer/director Alex Sharfman, and his high concept is always kept afloat by the underplayed commitment of this cast. Characters fall somewhere between the big eyebrows of Mickey 17 and the dark button pushing of Companion, with Leoni’s dry asides (“Not to be a size queen, but that horn was rather girthy”) and Poulter’s daft Dunning-Krugering scoring the most laughs.

Though the unicorns themselves could use more pixie dust in their CGI, Ortega sells her spiritual connection to them, and to the legend she uncovers that traces the “final girl” back much further than we knew. It’s a shame Sharfman doesn’t follow that thread long enough for a killer connection between peasants.

Instead, we get warm fuzzies, and the point of all this carnage ends up feeling muted. Even with literal rich-eating, Death of a Unicorn just won’t commit to the bit as giddily as something like Ready or Not, and a true lasting impression remains an elusive beast.

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Diamond Life

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Eephus

by George Wolf

Any serious baseball fan knows what comes with that first chill of the fall. If you’re lucky, your favorite team may be playing for a few more weeks. But even so, it won’t be long before – as former MLB commissioner Bart Giamatti so eloquently put it – “the days are all twilight, when you need (baseball) the most, it stops.”

For the men at the heart of the wonderfully nostalgic Eephus, those twilight days have turned into years, and they suddenly find themselves desperately clinging to the last few moments of boyhood joy.

It’s mid-October in a small New Hampshire town, and rec league teams are assembling to wrap up the season at Soldiers Field. Some bellies are a bit larger, some fastballs are a bit slower, but the cracks are as wise as ever and the love of the game has never wavered. And though what bleachers there are will be nearly empty, Franny (Cliff Blake) will be keeping the scorebook as usual, and there may even be fireworks after the final out.

Because next year, local development will bulldoze the field, and these players may have to accept a future without that diamond life.

Director/co-writer (and veteran cinematographer) Carson Lund finds the emotional pull that exists in the space between an enduring game and the souls forced to let it move on without them. The ensemble cast (including legendary MLB free spirt Bill “Spaceman” Lee on hand to perfectly illustrate the titular type of pitch) is authentic and eccentric in equal measure, and anyone who has ever spent time around the ballfield will recognize these people, and the simpler way of life that may also be slipping away.

Lund’s writing is warm and witty, with a sense of pace that is unhurried, perfectly reflecting the one American team sport without a time clock. And at the end of the film’s single day, when the league’s last game goes into extra innings and darkness falls, the cool night air is heavy with metaphor and meaning.

Another great baseball movie reminded us that “This field, this game, is a part of our past.” Beautiful.

But what if you could hold on to those last minutes of the present just a little bit longer – even if you eat dirt just trying to beat out a weak grounder to third? Eephus conjures up enough romantic notions to spur a trip down to the basement looking for the old ball and glove.

Just be sure to warm up first. You’re not a kid anymore, you know.

Outtakes

Fish On

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Tarpon

by George Wolf

So this documentary is about fishing? And writing? It’s set in 1970s Key West? And features original music by a pre-superstardom Jimmy Buffett?

Holy schnikes, Tarpon, where have you been hiding all my life?

It’s been out there like the titular trophy fish, never officially released but gaining a cult following among writers and fishing guides since its production in 1973. Then two years ago, the short film All That Is Sacred (available on YouTube) used Tarpon clips and more recent interviews with Buffett, writers Tom McGuane and Jim Harrison and others to dig into the Bohemian, artistic lifestyle of their youth.

Now, Tarpon finally gets its official release, and an absolutely beautiful restoration that serves as a pristine time capsule to a lost world.

In bewitching cinema vérité style, directors Guy de la Valdene and Christian Odasso take us to the boats, beaches, and bars that formed a local Keys lifeblood, and fueled a creative spirit that eventually brought Buffett, McGuane, Harrison, and Richard Brautigan both popularity and critical acclaim.

The Key West Conch Train driver serves as a wonderfully organic tour guide, popping in with bits of context as the film casually drifts among the local eccentrics, creatives and fishermen (word of warning: there are scenes of brutality to unwanted sharks in the day’s catch).

At only 53 minutes, Tarpon‘s intoxicating spell is one you’ll wish lasted a bit longer. But after all these years of waiting, even a little of this magic is enough.

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Princess Problem Solver

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Snow White

by George Wolf

Death, taxes…Disney live action remakes?

We may not be there quite yet, but the train keeps rolling with Snow White, an update that’s consistently appealing enough to rise above an unsteady opening and one unfortunate choice.

Much of that winning appeal comes from a terrific Rachel Zegler, who commands the title role with confidence and zest. Pairing Zegler with a well-cast Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen, the film dives into their royal power struggle and finds a nice sweet spot between honoring a classic and nudging it toward new sensibilities.

That new attitude starts right from the “Once Upon a Time” prologue, where we get a new inspiration for the name Show White, and a quick look inside a wholesome upbringing that focused on the common good.

Her stepmother’s attitude toward power is especially timely, and the Magic Mirror (in great voice thanks to Patrick Page) is quick to point out that beauty can be more than what’s seen in a simple reflection.

Once Snow White is grown, with her royal father out of sight and her wicked stepmother on the throne, Director Marc Webb (500 Days of Summer, The Amazing Spider-Man 1 and 2) and screenwriter Erin Cressida Wilson (Secretary, Chloe, The Girl on the Train) give us a princess who is still in peril, but is not content to wait around for a handsome prince to save her and her kingdom.

In fact, there’s no handsome prince in sight. Oh, sure, she’s attracted to the rouge-ish peasant Jonathan (Andrew Burnap), but this Snow White’s not about to stay home with the dwarfs while he does all the heroic adventuring.

We’ll get to those dwarfs in a minute.

Songwriters Benj Pasek and Justin Paul provide original tunes, and while the style they brought to The Greatest Showman, Spirited, and Dear Evan Hansen will be instantly familiar, the songs here showcase the talent, bolster the narrative, and add a little new Disney magic.

Zegler soars on “Waiting on a Wish,” and Gadot – in her best turn since Wonder Woman – seems positively giddy to vamp it up on “All Is Fair,” the Evil Queen’s defiant ode to evildoing. Burnap and Zegler both have fun with “Princess Problems,” a tongue-in-cheek framing of privilege and stereotypes, but their audience of dwarfs only calls more attention the film’s nagging question.

This is a live action remake, correct? So why are the dwarfs not played by live actors? The CGI results seem to point to an attempt at making them look as much like the original cartoon characters as possible, which is curious at best. Much of the film is committed to a new vision, how did this tired one get through?

The CGI animals I get – they’re cute – but man these dwarfs become such an albatross it’s even more impressive that Snow White manages to charm despite them, and the few too many opening minutes spent on exposition.

But it does, and Disney’s live action scorecard earns one in the ‘plus’ column.

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Unstable for Days

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Locked

by George Wolf

The first English language remake (third overall) of the 2019 Argentinian thriller 4×4, Locked streamlines the vigilante festivities for a fairly generic teaming of one veteran trope and one new favorite.

Tech cautionary tales are all the rage, and thrillers have been car-centric back to at least Duel and Race With the Devil in the 70s. So, when the desperate Eddie (Bill Skarsgård) breaks into a luxury sedan, he quickly finds himself at the mercy of one vengeful Dr. William (Anthony Hopkins) and the latest in auto security gadgets.

Director David Yarovesky and screenwriter Michael Arlen Ross soften Eddie’s edges from the start. Yes, he’s a f*&kup, but he’s got a cute young daughter and really wants to do better for her, right?

William isn’t moved. He’s got his own agenda, and it starts with giving Eddie a painful tour around his pimped-out ride. Eddie’s locked into the steel reinforced frame, the car is soundproofed and polarized, the seats are equipped with tasers, the glass is bulletproof, the heat and AC can be pushed to lethal levels, all while William probes and taunts Eddie via a call on the in-dash display.

The conversations tell us much about William and Eddie, and a little too much about the film’s message of classism and wealth inequality. What’s worse, when William disconnects, and Eddie is free to explore the car for weaknesses, he conveniently talks to himself so we can be let in on his thought process.

Yarovesky (Brightburn) has some success making the single setting visually interesting, faring better with the action opportunities that come from William deciding the put the car in “drive” and enact some vehicular justice against any suspected criminals.

Skarsgård tries his best to give Eddie some needed depth, and Hopkins seems delighted to get cartoonishly villainous. But Locked can never develop the psychological engagement of 2013’s auto mystery Locke or the clever thrills of Trunk: Locked In from just two years ago.

And most surprisingly, it pulls punches from its own source material, settling for a surface level morality play without the shades of grey that almost always leave a more lasting impression.

Fright Club

Fright Club: Best Appalachian Horror

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How many great horror films are set in Appalachia? So many that we had to leave these off the top 5 list: Wrong Turn, Evil Dead, Jugface, The Mothman Prophesies, The Descent, even Silence of the Lambs!

Because what were we looking for? Something that really dug into the landscape, the people of the area. Films that couldn’t have been set anywhere else. It was a tough cull, but we think we landed on the best.

5. Tucker and Dale v Evil (2010) (West Virginia)

Horror cinema’s most common and terrifying villain may not be the vampire or even the zombie, but the hillbilly. The generous, giddy Tucker and Dale vs. Evil lampoons that dread with good natured humor and a couple of rubes you can root for.

In the tradition of Shaun of the Dead, T&DVE lovingly sends up a familiar subgenre with insightful, self-referential humor, upending expectations by taking the point of view of the presumably villainous hicks. And it happens to be hilarious.

Two backwoods buddies (an endearing Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyk) head to their mountain cabin for a weekend of fishing. En route they meet some college kids on their own camping adventure. A comedy of errors, misunderstandings and subsequent, escalating violence follows as the kids misinterpret every move Tucker and Dale make.

T&DVE offers enough spirit and charm to overcome any weakness. Inspired performances and sharp writing make it certainly the most fun participant in the You Got a Purty Mouth class of film.

2. The Blair Witch Project (1999) (Maryland)

A master class in minimalism, Blair Witch scared the hell out of a lot of people back in the day. This is the kind of forest adventure that I assume happens all the time: you go in, but no matter how you try to get out – follow a stream, use a map, follow the stars – you just keep crossing the same goddamn log.

One of several truly genius ideas behind Blair Witch is that filmmakers Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez made the audience believe that the film they were watching was nothing more than the unearthed footage left behind by three disappeared young people. Between that and the wise use of online marketing (then in its infancy) buoyed this minimalistic, naturalistic home movie about three bickering buddies who venture into the Maryland woods to document the urban legend of The Blair Witch. Twig dolls, late night noises, jumpy cameras, unknown actors and not much else blended into an honestly frightening flick that played upon primal fears.

3. Devil to Pay (2019) (Georgia)

The tale is anchored with a quietly ferocious turn by Danielle Deadwyler (who also produces) as Lemon, a hardscrabble farmer trying to keep things up and wondering where her husband has been these past days.

One of the most tightly written thrillers in recent memory, The Devil to Pay peoples those hills with true characters, not a forgettable villain or cliched rube among them. The sense of danger is palpable and Deadwyler’s commitment to communicating Lemon’s low-key tenacity is a thing of beauty.

Hell, the whole film is beautiful, Sherman Johnson’s camera catching not just the forbidding nature of Appalachia, but also its lush glory.

2. The Night fo the Hunter (1955) (West Virginia)

Robert F. Mitchum. This may be the coolest guy there ever was, with an air of nonchalance about him that made him magnetic onscreen. His world-wizened baritone and moseying way gave him the appearance of a man who knew everything, could do anything, but couldn’t care less. And perhaps his greatest role in definitely his best film is as serial killer/preacher Harry Powell in the classic Night of the Hunter.

The iconic film noir sees Mitchum as a con man who cashed in on lonely widows’ fortunes before knocking them off. He’s set his sights on Willa Harper (Shelley Winters), whose bank robber husband had been a cell mate before his execution.

What unravels is a gorgeously filmed, tremendously tense story of Depression-era Appalachian terror as Powell seduces the widow and her entire town, but not her stubborn son. Many of the performances have that stilted, pre-Method tinge to them, but both Winters and Mitchum bring something more authentic and unseemly to their roles. The conflict in styles actually enhances an off-kilter feel director Charles Laughton emphasizes with over-the-top shadows and staging. It gives the whole film a nightmarish quality that, along with Mitchum’s unforgettable performance, makes Night of the Hunter among the best films of its era.

1. Deliverance (1972) (Georgia)

Nine notes on a banjo have never sounded so creepy.

Deliverance follows four buddies staving off mid-life crises with a canoeing adventure in southern Georgia, where a man’s not afraid to admire another man’s mouth.

They stop off, as travelers must, at a service station. No one warns them, no one delivers ominous news, but come on, no one had to. One look at the locals spending their days at that gas station should have been enough to convince them to turn back.

James Dickey streamlined his own novel to its atmospheric best, and director John Boorman plays on urbanite fears like few have done since. Dickey and Boorman mean to tell you that progress has created a soft bellied breed of man unable to survive without the comforts of a modern age.