Category Archives: Outtakes

Movie-related whatnot

Outtakes

Outtakes: Hippies, Chickens, Sobbing Women and Iron Giants

1 Comment

 

I somehow missed The Iron Giant when it was originally released. I’m not sure how. My son Riley, pictured here as a hippie, was a 6-year-old in ’99 – clearly the film’s target audience.

rileytoby

 

In a nutshell, director Brad Bird (who’d go on to win two Oscars with Pixar) puts Vin Diesel’s voice inside a weapons-grade robot from space.

 

At the height of the Cold War, lonely Hogarth befriends the monster, teams with a beatnik (Harry Connick, Jr.), and tries to hide the innocent metal heap from the US government that seeks to destroy it.

 

And yet, I neglected to get the boy to this film, and never saw it myself until years later when I was babysitting for my niece Ruby (pictured here as a chicken).

Chicken Ruby

 

She owned the book and had seen the film once already, but Iron Giant was her Netflix streaming choice one rainy afternoon. From her comfy spot on my lap, her head just beneath my chin, she kept me abreast of the plot: he’s really a bad guy; he makes crazy stuff with metal scraps; he’s a really very bad guy.

And then, the next thing you know, I am bawling. Just gulping and sobbing, tears rolling off my cheek and slapping the top of Ruby’s little head.

My God that movie broke my heart.

This is the Superman movie you want to see.

If you get the chance, check out this surprisingly powerful animated gem. It screens this week as part of the Gateway Film Center’s From Book to Film series. Catch it Saturday, 7/13 at 1:30 PM; Monday, 7/15 at 7 PM; or Wednesday, 7/17 at 1:30 PM. Go to http://www.gatewayfilmcenter.com/  for tickets and details.

Bring a hanky.

Outtakes

Weekend Countdown: Best films..so far..in 2013

Leave a comment

The year’s half over. What were the  best films so far? Well, #1 opens this week at the Gateway. Have a look!

 

5. Evil Dead

Fede Alvarez remakes Sam Raimi’s beloved indie splatter fest with the right amount of respect (to the original), humor, and more than enough gore. This infectious bloodletting surprises even the most ardent fan of the original with ingenious twists, solid performances, and a script doctored brilliantly by Oscar winner Diablo  Cody.

 

4. This Is The End

Seth Rogan’s posse gathers for an end of the world party to lampoon their own images and spin a hilarious yarn about celebrity, the rapture, and Michael Cera’s cocaine habit. Jonah Hill’s demon possession is inspired comedy, but the film’s a clever, weirdly good-natured laugh riot from start to finish.

 3. Much Ado about Nothing

Thank God for nerds. Joss Whedon turns his considerable skill to breathing new life to Shakespeare, with the second big party on the list. Mining the Bard’s comedy for actual laughs, Whedon stacks his cast with hyper-talented buddies, and a scene-stealing Nathan Fillian alone is worth the price of admission.

 

2. Mud

Writer/director Jeff Nichols follows up his flawless (and criminally underseen Take Shelter) with another exquisite film. This coming of age tale about a boy, a disappearing way of life, and a fugitive named Mud charms and surprises.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv30J05U2nI

 

1. Stories We Tell

A fascinating, thoroughly entertaining documentary from Sarah Polley.  While laying bare the secrets in her own family history, Polley expertly speaks to all families, and the questionable truths in which we often take comfort.

 

Runners up: Star Trek Into Darkness, Before Midnight, Frances Ha, World War Z, To the Wonder, The Bling Ring, How to Make Money Selling Drugs  and The Iceman. Happy viewing!

Outtakes

Weekend Countdown: Top 5 History Lessons from Schoolhouse Rock!

Leave a comment

 

It’s almost time for every American history teacher’s favorite celebration – Comfest! Filthy hippies! No, wait, I mean Independence Day! Not everybody had Ellen Madden Edeburn to teach them history, so thankfully, there was Schoolhouse Rock. Starting on Saturday morning ABC tv in 1973, these toe-tapping lessons were sandwiched between Scooby’s mystery solving and the athletic antics of the Laff-A-Lympics, teaching us everything we needed to know about adverbs, our hero zero, and the preamble to the constitution.

As we get set to celebrate another 4th, let’s count down the top 5 history lessons from the days of Schoolhouse Rock. Sing along with us!

 

5) Elbow Room

No, not the legendary Spring Break bar in Ft. Lauderdale..SHR covers manifest destiny at it’s most melodious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfoQBTPY7gk

 

4) Shot Heard ’round the World

This revolution was televised…and set to music…USA! USA!

 

 

3) Sufferin’ Till Suffrage

“Til the 19th amendment stuck down that restrictive rule…sisters unite!” Preach on, ladies!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FUSHTo-jF0

 

2) I’m Just a Bill

True, there’s nothing here about lobbyist bribes, pork barrel riders or signing statements, but Bill makes his three minutes count!

 

1) Preamble to the Constitution

If you can’t clearly remember your entire class singing this to themselves during history tests, you were cheated out of a bedrock in education.

 

Now, whose function was “hookin’ up words and phrases and clauses?”

 

 

Outtakes

Counting Down with Pride (and Jon Theiss!)

1 Comment

 

It’s time to celebrate Stonewall Columbus Pride Festival in Columbus, and the town is absolutely giddy. Gay, even. But how can anyone properly celebrate without our former The Other Paper colleague, the genius behind the column That’s So Gay (pause here to picture the unicorn/rainbow logo), Jon Billy Theiss? Well, that’s a conundrum, and one we weren’t willing to face. So we brought him back to help us celebrate by counting down Hollywood’s five gayest “straight” films.

 5. Interview with the Vampire (1994)

Vampires have been fabulous since Nosferatu, but when Tom Cruise bit Brad Pitt’s neck, heterosexual women the world over finally understood the straight man’s girl-on-girl fixation.

Jon says:

Vampires have always represented weird penetration allegories and the bourgeoisie’s penchant for wearing knee-highs and gaudy cocktail rings, so it makes sense that pint-size primadonna Tom Cruise would spend the majority of the movie wearing iridescent vests and a sun-kissed fingerwave.

 

4. Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

Spock, do you know why Kirk nearly died and nearly killed his entire crew to save you? Because he loves you. Love him back, you cold bastard!

Jon says:

Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto could co-star in a Judd Apatow movie called These Heterosexual Men Love Touching Boobies and it would still be gayer than My Own Private Idaho.

 

3. The Lost Boys (1987)

Sure, David (Keiffer Sutherland) spends the whole film trying to seduce Michael (Jason Patric), but you had us at the Rob Lowe poster on Corey Haim’s bedroom wall.

Jon says:

Corey Haim and Corey Feldman: The closest thing Hollywood ever got to twincest.

 

2. 300 (2006)

Do you like gladiator movies? How about men with ridiculous abs wearing little more than capes and jewelry?  You’ll love 300.

Jon says:

This sword-crossing fantasy finally answers the question: Was antiquity really that gay? Yes. Yes it was.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr0kWBMLufo

 

1.Top Gun (1986)

The locker rooms? Iceman’s playful bite? Kelly McGillis as the love interest? The title? The only way this could have been gayer is if Harvey Fierstein played the volleyball coach. And even then, only a little.

Jon says:

Top Gun’s slow-motion baby-oil-fueled beach scenes, coupled with a cinematographer who’s glued to Val Kilmer’s body like your weird uncle who doesn’t blink during Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders performances, got me through puberty. These brilliant celluloid moments notwithstanding, Cruise’s other epic metaphor for gay sex, Days of Thunder, inspired my favorite post-coital victory cheer: “Rubbin’s racin’!”

 

Thanks, buddy! We miss you! Happy Pride everyone!

Outtakes, Uncategorized

Countdown: Classic Stoners for the Tribe Bullpen

Leave a comment

 

After an encouraging start to another season, the Cleveland Indians have hit their annual June Swoon – with a new wrinkle.

Adding to the usual losses and injuries is the arrest of All Star closer Chris Perez for allegedly possessing marijuana that was allegedly mailed to his house.

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

So, while we wait for our beloved Tribe to turn it around, we thought we’d look back on classic stoners from movie history, and give the Indians bullpen a new, munchier look.

Bullpen Coach:  Bob Marley (Marley, 2012) Lively up your arms, Rastas!

6) The spot starter: Pineapple Express’s Saul Silver. A tribe uniform is the only shirt he should ever wear besides that shark with a kitty in its mouth tee shirt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TUTxAK1EqQ

5) The long man:  Sir Smoke a lot (Dave Chapelle) from Half-Baked (1998). Might have some trouble getting his trainers, Billy Bong Thorton and Wesley Pipes, past security.

4) Middle relief: Jay and Silent Bob aka Bluntman and Chronic (Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes) from, among others, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001). If today is Tuesday and the game is on Friday..they figure they have…eight days.

3) Matchup specialists: Pedro and Anthony (Cheech and Chong) from Up in Smoke (1978) Back in the fold after that deportation misunderstanding, Pedro and “Man” are rested and ready. When that call to the bullpen comes, they promise not to go straight to the mound.

2) Setup Man:  The Dude from The Big Lebowski (1998) Though he may need a custom glove to accommodate the White Russian, he can instantly deflect any batter who charges the mound with a well-placed “this on-field aggression will not stand, man!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iApz08Bh53w

1)    Closer:  Floyd (Brad Pitt) from True Romance (1993). Man, this guy was so stoned it saved his life! Instead of game film, prefers watching old Flintstones episodes.

 

GO TRIBE!

Outtakes, Slider

Memorial Countdown: 5 Best Scenes from Golf Movies

Leave a comment

In honor of the Memorial Tournament, we wanted to count down the best golf movies. But since that’s a countdown of one, we figured instead we would offer the five best scenes from Caddyshack. (Honorable mentions to Billy Baroo; This is my Friend Wang; That’s a Peach, Hon; Bark Like a Dog.) Try to watch these and not laugh – we’re guessing you can’t do it.

5. Mind if I play through?

4. You’re a tremendous slouch.

3. Be the ball.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGKkmpbhv9k

2. Big hitter, the Lama. Long.

1. And, #1, like you didn’t already know….It’s in the hole!

 

Now, how ’bout a Fresca?

Outtakes

Countdown: Forgetful Movies for Memorial Day Weekend

Leave a comment

This Memorial Day Weekend, we remember our dads, a soldier and a sailor who served their countries bravely before coming home, settling down, and raising children they would eventually drive insane. But before all that, they served their countries bravely, and we truly thank them (and all veterans) for that part. That’s what we’ll remember about George and Mark today. Tomorrow is another story…

In the meantime, let’s count down the best movies about people who really can’t remember a thing.

5. Angel Heart (1987)

Pre-freakshow Mickey Rourke is private dick Johnny Angel, looking for a guy who doesn’t want to be found, maybe because a bearded, egg-eating Robert De Niro is the client searching him out. But something’s not quite right with this investigation. A steamy period piece rich with twists and soaked in blood, Angel Heart is a startling bit of filmmaking and an underappreciated gem.

4. Shutter Island (2010)

Scorsese puts DiCaprio in an island asylum in Boston Harbor to suss out the details in a disappearance. But his investigation – like Johnny Angel’s – turns up more hazy mystery than facts. It doesn’t help that his wife’s ghost keeps popping up.

3. The Hangover (2009)

A clever concept fleshed out with stellar performances in well-articulated characters, The Hangover is more than just a lewd throwaway comedy. But as lewd comedies go, the original is a doozy. Injecting the bachelor party romp cliché with more energy, surprises and hilarity than most 90 minute flicks could handle, this is a comedy that remains funny upon repeated viewings.

2. Memento (2000)

Before Memento, we did not know Christopher Nolan was a genius. And then we did. Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce) has a short term memory problem. The wrong type of people use this to their advantage. Writer/director Nolan keeps the audience as riveted and confused as poor Leonard with his non-linear approach, and the culminating moments are of devastating genius.

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Jim Carrey has never been better than in this Michel Gondry mind bender penned by genius screenwriter Charlie Kaufman. A fascinatingly twisty, beautiful and clever film filled to bursting with exceptional performances, it’s a film everyone should see. We are our memories, even the bad one.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnSgSe2GzDc

Outtakes

Outtakes: Revenge of the Nerdy Movies

Leave a comment

Space log June 27, 1966. Jeffrey Jacob Abrams is born. His purpose: to make nerds feel cool. To succeed he will need to drink at their teat, study their bible, learn their ways and still maintain his hipster sheen. Only then will he be able to rethink and re-present their culture. He will begin here.

5. Tron (1982)

This was almost Harry Potter, but one of the brethren – a computer programmer/coder who role played throughout high school – said no. Tron was the film we wanted, the film Abrams would need to study, philosophize about, fantasize about. Isn’t Tron simply the video game Pong with day glo cycle suits, you ask? That sound you hear? The brethren scoffing at your naïveté.

4. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Of the four options, why is The Hobbit the chosen, the precious? Because 3D and IMAX technology aren’t enough for uber-nerd Peter Jackson. His vision requires the added dimension of a High Frame Rate. How high? Forty eight frames per second, bitches – because twice as high is just enough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1SJ7yaa7cI

3.  Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

If a young Abrams didn’t refer to himself as a Knight who says Ni, well, all is lost, isn’t it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG1PlkURjxE

2. Star Wars series (1977 onward)

The teat. Abrams will next attempt to cast his spell and reboot this franchise. Is it the nerdiest of all? Some years ago, ace reporter Triumph the Insult Comic Dog chatted up a group of Star Wars fans who were strong with the nerd force. He asked one, who was in full Darth Vader regalia, “Which one of these buttons calls your parents to come pick you up?” The prosecution rests.

1. Star Trek (a 5-year mission extends into the unknowable future)

The bible. The original TV series would have been enough, but the cult was so strong it brought forth numerous films and TV spinoffs. Now Abrams has rebooted the whole thing, making it cool while simultaneously re-introducing Tribbles and sparking arguments about why Khan doesn’t have an accent and Carol Markus does. And Pike can’t really be dead, right?

Feel like bathing in the nectar of nerdery? Back to back to back to back….trailers, and Orson Welles narrates the original!

Outtakes

Weekend Countdown: Happy Mutha’s Day

Leave a comment

It’s Mother’s Day weekend, which calls for a mutha of a weekend countdown.

Mutha. As in bad mutha – shut your mouth!

So, while we certainly hope all the moms have a great day, these bad movie muthas don’t need no jive-ass card that plays “I’m Too Sexy” when you open it! Let’s count down the top 5:

5. Super Fly (1972)

It’s hard out here for pimp/cocaine dealer Youngblood Priest. He just wants to make a quick million so he can retire, but The Man is always dragging him down.  “Nothing better happen to one hair on my gorgeous head. Can you dig it?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmZjD2UWoso

4. Django Unchained (2012)

Django’s personality changes with his wardrobe, and he shoots a lot of people as he hones his fashion sense. “Kill white people and get paid for it? What’s not to like?”

3. Dirty Harry (1971)

Harry Callahan is a bad man, and he knows what you’re thinking, punk. “You’re thinking, ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Now to tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow you head clean off, you’ve gotta ask yourself a question. ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzeV8Sd9pV0

 

2. Shaft (1971)

Who’s the cat who won’t cop out when there’s danger all about? He’s a complicated man. No one understands him but his woman. We can dig it. “Cut the crap, man. This is Shaft.”

1. Machete (2010)

Double cross an ex-Federale so you can promote racism, run drugs and kill priests? You just fucked with the wrong Mexican. “Why do I want to be a real person when I’m already a myth?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I16020r–oM

 

Okay, suckas, who’d we miss?

Outtakes

Gateway’s Indie Film Showcase Cures the Blockbuster Blahs

Leave a comment

By Hope Madden

Already tired of blockbuster season? The Gateway Film Center has just the remedy. Their Independent Film Showcase launches this week, running May 9 to May 16. This edition of the semiannual event screens seventeen flicks you’d be hard pressed to find onscreen anywhere else.

Anchored by Brit filmmaker Ken Loach’s charming The Angels’ Share – the only film in the series to boast a full slate of showings – the program offers dramas, comedies, documentaries and thrillers, each one rotating through a handful of screenings across the week.

According to Gateway president Chris Hamel, programming a series like this takes quite a while.

“The May program contains 17 films, and I watched around 50 to decide on those,” he says. “We originally planned this as a quarterly series, but to be honest, I can’t program IFS at that speed. Too many films to consider. It’s fair to say about 100 – 150 hours of watching and planning went into this festival before the marketing team started working on it.”

Why make the effort? Gateway’s goal, according to an official press release, is to “bring a diverse, compelling selection of indie films to central Ohio while also giving patrons an opportunity to see tomorrow’s Hollywood stars and A-list directors.”

Hamel believes Gateway is an ideal fit for such a showcase. According to him, “Our audience is so diverse that IFS makes great sense here. While all of these films are very good, they have a hard time finding an audience. I believe that our central location, downtown sensibilities, technology and product mix make use a great place to see a film, and IFS is just one more opportunity for our patrons to be part of the independent film world.”

Highlights include film festival favorites such as Rebecca Thomas’s fanciful religious conundrum Electrick Children, Keith Miller’s gritty redemption drama Welcome to Pine Hill, and the dark drama Rubberneck – one of two featured films (alongside Red Flag) by prolific newcomer Alex Karpovsky.

Hamel has a couple of other favorites, though.

“I absolutely loved Ain’t In It For My Health: A Film about Levon Helm, The Silence, and Welcome to the Punch,” he says.

You’ll get the chance to see these and more beginning at 7pm Thursday with the screening of Michael Gondry’s The We and the I. From there, films rotate throughout the day until it all winds up with newcomer Marialy Rivas’s controversial Young and Wild at 11:45 pm on the 16th.

Says Hamel, “I hope audiences give these films the chance the deserve.”

 

The full schedule of events:

 

Thursday May 9

The We and the I                                              7:00 PM

Electrick Children                                             9:15 PM

Welcome to the Punch                                      11:15 PM

 

Friday May 10

Welcome to Pine Hill                                         12:00 PM

Rubberneck                                                      2:00 PM

Red Flag                                                          4:00 PM

Somebody Up There Likes Me                           6:00 PM

Aint In It for My Health:                                     7:45 PM

A Film about Levon Helm

Welcome to the Punch                                     9:45 PM

Young and Wild                                                12:00 AM

 

Saturday May 11

Patang                                                             12:00 PM

Bert Stern: Original Madman                             2:15 PM

Supporting Characters                                     4:15 PM

The Silence                                                      6:15 PM

The Happy House                                             8:45 PM

Tied                                                                 10:30 PM

 

Sunday May 12

Bert Stern: Original Madman                             11:00 AM

You Don’t Need Feet to Dance                           1:00 PM

Somebody Up There Likes Me                           3:00 PM

The We and the I                                              4:45 PM

He’s Way More Famous than You                      7:00 PM

Ain’t In It for My Health:                                    9:15 PM

A Film about Levon Helm

 

Monday May 13

The Happy House                                             1:00 PM

The We and the I                                              2:45 PM

The Silence                                                      5:00 PM

Electrick Children                                             7:30 PM

Welcome to the Punch                                      9:45 PM

 

Tuesday May 14

He’s Way More Famous than You                      1:00 PM

You Don’t Need Feet to Dance                           3:10 PM

Patang                                                             5:20 PM

Bert Stern: Original Madman                             7:30 PM

Rubberneck                                                      9:40 PM

 

Wednesday May 15

Rubberneck                                                      1:00 PM

Red Flag                                                          3:10 PM

Supporting Characters                                      5:20 PM

Welcome to Pine Hill                                         7:30 PM

Tied                                                                 9:40 PM

 

Thursday May 16

The We and the I                                              12:45 PM

Electrick Children                                             2:45 PM

The Silence                                                      5:00 PM

Welcome to the Punch                                      7:30 PM

Ain’t In It for My Health:                                                9:45 PM

A Film about Levon Helm

Young and Wild                                                11:45 PM

 

Regular ticket prices apply. For tickets and information, visit www.gatewayfilmcenter.com

 

This piece ran originally on Columbus Underground.