Welcome, my fellow Amityvillains! 

No…er..not villains..vill-e-yuns. Amity-villites. 

Fellow citizens of Amity, welcome to another beautiful Fourth of July weekend! As you know, we in Amity have made our name through friendship, and this weekend gives us another chance to meet many new friends who will come to spend those summer dollars and enjoy our wonderful beaches! 

Yes…about the beaches…I’m happy to report that under my supervision, we have caught and killed a fish that was apparently annoying some swimmers. Now, the Chief and his rich friend with city hands have both assured me that there will be no more trouble of that sort, and this will be one of the best holiday weekends Amity has ever had! 

So remember, for safe beaches and attention getting sportcoats, Vote Vaughn! 

Now go swimming!

*by George Wolf. Video starring Ralph Scott in partnership with Mills James Productions. Art by Michael Anthony Carroll.

Disclaimer: Villain Diaries is a non-commercial work of fan fiction and parody. All characters, names, and elements from the film belong to their respective copyright and trademark holders. I don’t own them and I’m not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the creators, studios, or rights holders. This piece is an original creative commentary inspired by their work. It is shared for free, for entertainment and critical purposes, and earns me no money. If you’re a rights holder and have concerns, please contact me at maddwolf95@gmail.com and I’ll respond promptly.