The Meg 2: The Trench

by George Wolf

“New Meg. Old Chum.”

That’s a great tag line, one that promises just the kind of campy fun that Meg 2: The Trench delivers…….eventually.

But for the first 60 minutes, director Ben Wheatley treads water with a cliche-riddled setup that could easily pass for an undersea Aliens knockoff.

Jason Statham returns as Meg-conquering hero Jonas Taylor, who’s since become an eco-warrior out to shut down the dumping of toxic waste. But a visit to the research lab quickly escalates into Jonas joining a team that’s diving through the Thermocline and into “the Trench” – home to many dangerous creatures and one illegal mining operation.

And, of course, some Megs.

And the Megs are looking to mate.

And they have lasers on their heads. No, they don’t, but you’re wishing they did, because by this time Wheatley (Kill List, Sightseers, Free Fire) and screenwriters Erich Hoeber, Jon Hoeber and Dean Georgaris (all back from part one) are playing it much too straight.

“This is some dumbass shit,” says our old buddy DJ (Page Kennedy) as we nod in agreement.

But once Jonas and team are left for dead by some double-crossing scene chewers, Meg 2 leans into its ludicrous groove and starts to have some fun.

The trench is breached! And the escaping horde turns an exclusive beach resort into an all-inclusive Skull Island as Jonas becomes some sort of water-breathing superhero who can ride waves on a Jet Ski and hunt Megs with a helicopter blade!

Damn right he can! Plus, DJ has been taking lessons on badassery and catch phrases since the first adventure, and Mac (Cliff Curtis) is as reliable as ever because Cliff Curtis.

Did I mention the Gaspar Noe-approved POV shot from inside the Meg’s maw as it’s enjoying the all-you-can-eat beach buffet?

At the halfway mark, The Trench is a water-logged snooze. But if you ride it out, Wheatley delivers a second half rally that becomes a funny, over-the-top romp with multiple wink winks to Jaws, Jurassic Park, Piranha and more.

Just give them the lasers next time.