I keep a notebook on me at all times and I pull it out occasionally to write down whatever genius single sentence I may glean from someone else’s conversation. Strangers, friends, talking to me, not talking to me—doesn’t matter. I don’t add context, just the brilliant phrase. At the end of the year, I pull these together and use them for something. This year, I saw a lot of themes and decided to go with a poem.
by Hope Madden
The porn star was first.
He’s the top Nathan.
He was the lead singer for a Led zeppelin cover band.
Wild rumpus is a great name for a band.
I profoundly love barbershop and always have.
It’s a disco party I can’t turn off.
Flashbacks of mace and urine and GWAR goo
Who bled on the couch?
I have 3 on menstruation.
My favorite book title: Will you please stop masturbating so I can euthanize you?
Hot girls in booty shorts who are covered in blood from feeding rapists to their cars
Extreme cinema means penises and buttholes.
Cat shit and banana peels
I think 1979 would have a banana seat.
You know my feelings on unannounced raisins.
I would egg my own house for that.
The word is out on me: full of beans.
We’d like to send them a biscuit mix.
Isn’t that just a hot donut?
This hot sour cream juice isn’t going to drink itself.
Meatboat is a good word.
Neck Tattoo really loaded me up on meat today.
She has big, meaty feet.
His teeth are not just UK bad. They’re workhouse bad.
Stop saying scabies.
I had ringworm once. I got it from a horse.
If alligators could fly I would never go outside.
Narwhals are fat murder pillows.
This is going to look so nice on my kaiju jacket.
You would make a great puppet.
Are you asking if Inspector Gadget fucked?
Tornado Warning Jim is my favorite. Glad he could show up today.
I’ve gotten mainly out of the habit of hating myself so now when self-loathing hits, it hurts more for lack of practice.
Make better decisions. Make Captain America decisions.