Dearest Diary,

Well, I had to kill Wanda to get use of the treat truck. I think we both knew it was likely, you and I, and I suppose good practice. Just hope nobody wants ice cream where we’re going, because those little van freezers are pretty sloppy right now!

I also killed my dad’s friend Phil because he was reluctant to give up the whereabouts of this weekend’s race meetup, and also because he certainly would have told Dad about my visit, and also because I never especially cared for Phil. Didn’t like the cut of his jib. Oh, did he cry!

I think you’ll be proud, Diary, I decided to paper map it. No phone app on this mission, and not just for judicial deniability, either. The paper map felt right, like my tall, white paper hat. Proud, somehow.

It’ll be a great surprise for Dad, I think. Don’t you? All his elite athletes murdering the inferior competition, while I make mincemeat of the race organizers and security detail? I did, by the by, find a challenging but manageable how-to for the proper mincing of meat. No short cuts! 

Anyhoo, can’t wait to see the look in Dad’s eyes, his whole premium-grade super superior team blown, gutted, and fileted as all the sad sack losers on the course die. 

It is a little sad, you’re right. Losers are my favorite. Maybe I’ll butcher your odd athlete here and there. I’m told they sometimes come in costume! Dandy!

Diary, my dear, you have been such a support as we’ve plotted and planned this day of carnage. I wish I could carry you with me, but we both know I barely have hands enough for all these knives! Still, rest easy, friend. For I will report back. Every gruesome detail.

Onward!

Your favorite culinary artist,

Mason

*by Hope Madden. Voiceover by Riley Wolfington. Art by Anthony Michael Carroll.